The Teapot's Cabin

Beautiful novel

2012-02-12T01:15:00.002+08:00

imagination is a blessing! i do not know when or how did i started to have a hobby of reading (whreby previously i dislike reading so much because i do not have the patience to finish a book), but now, books have been something that i like to sink myself into...

i guess its all because it is through stories that we are allowed to use our imaginations freely, that's what i like about novels. i just finished reading a novel (Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult)...oh boy, what a story it was. i was so immersed into the story that i even wept at the end...yes, i wept reading a story book! it usually only happen in the movies, but now, even a story book gets me all teared up..hahaha...laugh as u may, but i admit it!

stories are just fictional, some may be based on a true story, but otherwise, they are just fictional. but somehow, it may be so real that you can feel so attached to the characters. u felt like u live and breath with them in the story...they teach u a thing or two about life..you really can learn and experience life through this stories..cliche as it may sound, but life does indeed looked better through these stories..god bless these writers for their talent =)

wait

2012-02-09T04:29:00.002+08:00

I have been having weird sleeping patterns lately; sleep early and wake up smack in the middle of the night (early morning) to finish tasks and continue sleeping again after that...
well, one thing's for sure is that i love early mornings. i feel a sense of peacefulness when i work early in the morning; quiet, peace and tranquility which really gets me into the mood of working...

hmm...its the time of the year again when i start to reflect and wish something different would happen this year...but i think, it would not be any different either..i shall continue to wait...

Irony of Life

2012-02-07T16:08:00.002+08:00

The irony of life : when you are so stressed up at work, all you wanted was a break..when you are on a break, you get bored and wished u were at work doing something...

gosh...this is actually a bad sign when you are starting to feel such..it shows that work is everything that matters, and without it, there is no life! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! of course i wouldnot want that to be the real reason for feeling such...i would not want to make work the main event of life while the rest are just secondary...NOOO!! I should do something...but what?

Having a long break over the weekend got me thinking...well, not exactly, but i started to reflect on my whole life...i really have not much interesting going on... and not that i do not have friends, i have many (i admit) but none are seem to want to hang out too...and that put me into a "dejected" mood that made me not to bother making any more effort to find entertainment with others....so, i just hang around the house and read. YES! u read that correctly, i SIT and READ and home!!

boring as it may sound, but the book i am reading is very inspirational..it gives u a new outlook at life and understanding what life and religion is all about..i always have this perception that when you are questioned and put into thinking about your actions, only then will you put attention into what you were actually doing and believing..we often take things for granted and not wanting to take time to think about things..but when we are questioned, then only will we be daring enough to think about it..and fret not, sometimes you may discover things that you would not have known existed or feelings you have not known you kept..... deep thoughts right? haha...

well, boring at it may sound...i am still glad to just unwind at home..let loose myself and not just waste time worrying unneccesarily..life is all about letting go and sit back and relax for once!

courage!

2012-01-30T23:18:00.003+08:00

Being away from work for one whole week proofs to be disastrous after all...all fears were confirmed when i step into the office today.. fine, you may think im bragging here but think whatever u want, i do not give a damn anymore....i have always been worrying so much of other ppl's thoughts about me that i am the one who suffers in the end....

gone are those days, Moira! it's time to put an end to such silly thoughts anymore. its a dog eat dog world out there...

it dawned upon me today...what if i was not who i was..what if i was someone who was so arrogant and selfish, would life be better off? since no one would be wanting to take any advantage of me nor dare to push me to my limits...at this current state of mind, yes! i would prefer to be such a person.... often enough i have told myself to always think positively..positive thinking, think positive...positivity positivity and more positivity...yet it doesnt seem to end..i always tell myself all these are mere challenges..if i can overcome it, i have nothing more to fear..but yet, the more i make them as challenges, the more i am being pushed to my limits... to those who knows me well, will know surely that im not a surrenderer (if there is such a word)... i wont go down without a fight....

and being silent for a year or so, has indeed make me build my armour stronger. i have nothing to fear. silence has not been a friend anymore, in fact it has betrayed me instead...i have to find a new friend..guess courage would be my target!

im a failure

2012-01-20T05:13:00.002+08:00

i feel like such a failure... the stress has seriously gotten into me and is killing me inside out...
alot of times , ppl come and ask me, "why didnt u come and say something? or why didnt u tell us?"..but not that i dont want to tell but i dont see the need of telling what is the problem when it is really very clear. actions always speak louder than words. rather than we contemplate on the problem which is already known, why not instead think of a better solution. the phrase still rings in my head "do not give me a problem, give me a solution". that is very true!

there is too much to be handled. guess i have overestimated myself. i know i can do it, all i need is time but that is the one thing which i am lacked of. i am trying to be patient, taking things one at a time but that has not work out well anymore. one thing at one time proves to be too slow. i need to take up like 10 things at one time...

gosh..i really am very doubtful of my strength. i am already at my wits end, my limit has been reached. i really do not know what to expect once im back from the holidays. i really have to start looking for options. oh bless me God... :(

I Love You

2012-01-15T23:55:00.005+08:00

I love Him more each day as He does not abandon you although you may not think of Him in times of need, or may have forgotten all about Him when you are in trouble. When you give up on yourself, He does not give up on you. He knows best. I love Him more. I love you, God.

sad

2012-01-10T00:40:00.002+08:00

i am very sad today..extremely sad and depress...i am sad :( :( :(

faith helps

2012-01-09T00:47:00.002+08:00

With regards to my previous post, "why oh why", it finally made some sense in me.. i came to realize all along that i wasn't the unlucky one, i was the lucky one!

There are things in life which are unmeasurable, things which are unseen, which are only felt in the heart and that is all that matters. i may not be bright enough to earn so much money as my others who easily get what they wanted, or pretty enough to get all the guys that they wanted, but i am lucky enough to have my faith in God!

i guess it was just God's way of speaking to me...feeling down and envy (i admit) about other people's achievement and luck had made me rethink the decisions i made. but then, after attending mass, it struck me that although my life right now could be just a moderate life in terms of work, but i am blessed to have Him who truly plans it out for me....he would not disapoint, although at this time now, i am very doubtful (i apologise, God) as my plans for the weekend for which i waited for one year is dash with the commisioning...

dear God,if it is your will that you would want me to spread you good news to all through my voice, then thy will be done. although i have to sacrifice watching my idols play live in person, i will do it for You. you have never disapointed me, so i shall not do the same to you. help me God to carry on this journey with faith =)

why oh why

2012-01-08T01:49:00.002+08:00

why does it always have to happen? comparison, jealousy, envy..then start thinking, why are others so lucky and you aren't? did i made the wrong choice?.... its been said and done, happened and experienced.....but why...is life really that easy for others while we have to struggle so hard and now we are on the same par like them? haiz.....life is alwayz not a balanced scale, just depending on which side you are one...

i guess that things always happen for a reason....i made my decision years ago, and now, i just have to face the consequences....please help me God :S

Start of the New Year

2012-01-04T23:06:00.002+08:00

the new year started very badly for me....today is just the 4th day into the new year and i am already at my limit...things have been becoming bad to worse and i really do not know what this whole year would be for me..i am very doubtful of what is instore for me....

today has been typically bad...up to the point where i 'review' what i had done for the past one year where i was made to think i did nothing but just a gap-filler, to fill up the holes on the road... i really felt such, not exaggerating but that was how bad it felt...it wasnt a knife that i was stabbed, it was a chopper! big slash and deep.....and taking it out after that chop really made it bled.....

let me explained myself here since nobody would listen to me then...
it's not that i did not know what to do or how to do it, but it's just that i have no time (well,as lame as that reason may be, but that is really the truth) and since that no one wanted to take up the responsibility previously and not wanting to do 'donkey job', so in the end, after a few years, this big donkey was the one caught to do it now....... i know what was wrong, really, frankly, not bragging but really..i knew what was to be done, but then, things happened so quick for me the past year, that i didnt had the time to implement it... everyone was depending on what i was doing, and not that i was proud enough to not ask for help nor wanted any help..NO...tat is certainly not the case..i didnt complaint because it will just be a waste of time. might as well, use that complaint time and finish up tasks, rather than contemplate on the whole issue when it is so clearly portrayed right before us.... not that i didnt want any help, there wasnt any help... everyone is so caught up in their own tasks that it will be unfair for me to cut them off from their responsibility just so for them to carry out mine.....(yeah, although in the end, the one who suffers is me)..

and time is indeed limited for me. i wanted help, but it will take time to teach, and right now, there isnt much time available for those lessons...so instead of contemplating all these problems, i might as well just suck them all in while a better and bigger solution surface...

i know i can do it and i know what should be done, but seriously, i really can't work alone... i know i have to delegate, but look at my current condition and you will understand how hard it is to implement. it is always easier said than done, but at the end of the day, the person who says it and the person who does it is different...so that is where the hard part lies!

i really am hoping things would work out and there is something good that comes out from all these that we are facing...it may be difficult, but i hope it is worth it in the end..or else, it's just a masquerade party; everyone putting on their mask and having a great time but deep down, each having their own agenda and the waiter and waitresses are the ones suffering for not knowing who is who!

Comparing

2012-01-02T02:32:00.003+08:00

The art of comparing... people just love to compare with one another, maybe it's a the human nature of a person... but i always remember the words of my father "Don't ever compare with other people, you must know where you stand!"..and indeed, those words are the key essence to who i am till this very day.
i have read before too that we should not compare as it will only make us unworthy of who we are. i have to agree with this, as although i have always try not to compare with others, but somehow, at some point, you will tend to do such.

comparing for a good reason would be encouraged, that is if is taken positively. this type of comparison is good as it will help us to improve for the better and to avoid bad circumstances. but if comparison it is taken the wrong way, then it will only cause hatred, jealousy and may even build up greed...and sometimes, when we tend to compare, we would actually lose out on open opportunities, jus because we compared with other people who had better ones...

opportunities will only knock once, you would be lucky enough if it was knocked twice..but if we do not grab hold of it, you may lose your chance all in once! yes, some may argue that it was not a good opportunity, but that was because they have started to compare with others... but nonetheless, it is all up to an individual on how to view the whole situation...

however to me, if we constantly compare with others,we will never find satisfaction in what every we do and we will never be grateful for what ever we have. as people progress, our jealousy will mask our own progress, thus making us backward instead. therefore, knowing what you want and where you stand is so important in order to determine your life's directions. no point looking and comparing with others, we will only make ourselves unworthy of all the opportunities that are around us.

arise! awake! be aware! your life is in your hands!

2011 - A review

2011-12-31T22:41:00.003+08:00

Yeah..just as the title is, i am going to review my year of 2011...so if this has started to bore you, you may always close this page as I am going to write alot as there is so much to say...haha....

well...2011..a very interesting year for me. nothing big, nothing small..but i shall say magnificent! hahaha...exagerating? well...maybe a little, but who cares, it's my year, and my experiences.. hehe

a new job to begin the year, something which till today, this very moment, am very grateful for the opportunity to be where i am today. though some may have negative thoughts about it all as i have seen people come and people go, but to me, i am just blessed to be where i am now. i may be silly, to some due to the unreasonable pay (perhaps!) or the amount of workload and responsibility i have to shoulder, but then..i just love my job! wow..i can't believe i just type it out aloud. yes, u heard me, I Love My Job! well, to me, that is the key to everything that we do..if you like something you are doing, somehow or another, you will eventually learn to be grateful for the opportunity to do it. some may think that i am bragging, but that's just who i am. i admit i may be a little too outspoken at times, which may make people think i am just some arrogant person, but then to me, if i am not confident of what i am doing, then how would others be convinced of what i am doing? as easy as it is said, if i don't believe in myself, then who will believe me then? just as what i read in a magazine lately, "pick your battles - if it is the one you truly believe in, stand your ground and be firm". it is so true and important in order to survive the real world.

2011 has also seen me starting my life all over again in this hectic city in the heart of the country. i have experienced it once, during my tertiary years, but comparing then and now, it is certainly a whole different scenario. the irony is funny; during our study years, life was really fun and money was not a problem then although we were not generating any incomes, but now, even when we are "making money" on our own, life has become not as fun as it used to. i guess that not just times has changed but because we have grown, which is a good thing, i shall say. being conscious of what we do and what we spend is a sign of growth as we learn how to prioritize and save...but nevertheless, being in KL has been a blessing. being able to catch up with friends and also family more often..

2011 has also bring me more friends, not litterally but in way i get to know more people, extend network to bigger circles..haha...it sounded as if it was some kind of object..hahaha... well indeed, i met wonderful peopleS who have become great friends and make life even more colourful and beautiful... people who are just so unique in their own way that they make you feel unique yourself too =)... thank you all those who i have met this year and befriended, you guys know who you are... it was a blessing to have met you all.. be happy for who you are!

well, 2011 is also a year where my family welcome someone new; our very own darling Rachel. so adorable and so loving, bringing our family closer day by day. she is really our bundle of joy

2011 - thank you so much for bringing the ups and downs in life, making me into what i am today. i am grateful for all the lessons learnt and all the memories made. i really hope that 2012 will not dissapoint and instead be more interesting.

hello 2012, let's get to know each other. i am sure we will make good friends =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

Christmas

2011-12-25T01:26:00.002+08:00

It's Christmas!! a time of giving and sharing, a time of love and joy.....it's been the usual for many years, but somehow, i have to admit that for whatever reason it may be, Christmas this year has seem to be extra special....i am more excited and was really looking forward for Christmas this year... to be with loved ones, especially family members. for a change this year, we would be visiting immediate family members to spread the joy, i suppose...but i guess the real joy would be able to introduce our newest member to the other family members. my darling niece, who have brought so much joy and light to the house....

it's alwayz been a joy to give during this season and i hope what i have given, would be accepted with love and appreciation, the least.

Merry Christmas peeps. spread the love =)

past haunts

2011-11-28T22:32:00.002+08:00

the past is past...you will always try to forget it, but somehow, when the time is "right", it will come back to haunt...just like that! and memories start flooding in again..
and my life has now started to stabilize...and now you want to bring me back to what i am trying hard to forget and let go.....i am thankful for making me who i am today, making me stronger as a person and making me appreciate life even more....
this is going to be a more interesting ride than the past, but i would not want to be afraid anymore. although i doubt my strength, but i know i can do it with His help...so help me God

Thank you

2011-11-25T01:19:00.002+08:00

being thanksgiving day, i have many to thank for up to now...first and foremost, thank GOD for creating life itself, allowing me to experience what life is all about...thank my parents for having me into their lives, without them, there would not be me..thank my other family members who have been through thick and thin with me, only you all know what its like to be who we are today!...thank you to all my friends who have known me in one way or another, even though we have not been in contact for ages, it was great knowing you all for one part of my life..for those friends who have been close to me, thanks for your effort and understanding and patience when dealing with me....to my 'enemies', thank you to you all too for allowing me to see the other side of myself which i may not have realised if you have not push me to my limits...THANKS! =)

hmm...

2011-11-21T02:46:00.002+08:00

i just felt like blogging but didnt know what to actually write about....well guess because there were just so many things in my head at the moment; work, holiday, work, friends, family,work, work..and all that is out is all about work..
oh no..have i became a workaholic? well, i have to admit that i am..nothing seems to revolve around me that much apart from work. i love what i am doing, i admit, and that is what pushes me through everyday, though the amount of stress and burden it comes with it....apart from work, what is there left of me? i have nothing much to look forward to most of the time..sounds pathetic isnt it? guess that work has kill most part of me, and im letting myself being murdered by it...wonder when does this killing spree ends?...i wonder

not right...again

2011-11-13T02:45:00.002+08:00

guessed that all i wanted was to get back what i have given thus far...is it so hard? why has all these be so controversial? if only it was just so simple, things would have been so much easier without the need to think of the consequences of it all...

haiz...guess the time is not right again..but when will it be?

wonder

2011-11-11T00:52:00.001+08:00

oh no...its happening again....guess that i just want to feel the same way i did last time..
gosh..is it so hard to get the right one? must i go through a series of wrong ones before the right one comes along?...gosh.................when will that be? i wonder

Mountains to Climb

2011-11-08T01:50:00.002+08:00

its been a month since i last blogged....so much to say but so little time to write them all down... my mind was flooded with thoughts and thought of various things, issues after issues surfaced, i was drowning with not much air to breath..i can just hang on with whatever that was left of me...
but thankfully, with much faith and prayer, i survived. the month of october! a month of extensive drama everywhere, every part of my life..it was just one whole dramatic month, and i now lived to look back and blessed for having survive it....

well, things aren't going any better rapidly, but rather things are slowly changing for the better....guess i have rolled down hill in october, and landed myself in the lake, drowning ut barely surviving...but i have learn to float, and surfaced...and now slowly climbing the hill once more...it is tough, of course, but im never giving up till i reach the peak..

now will know if i reach the peak? i hope i dont..because if i know that i reached the peak, that means that i will come rolling down again, for life is like a mountain...it goes up, it goes down, it goes up again, then it goes down again...its never a straight path...that's life! a sad fact, but a true fact....well, i just hope that i have the courage to hang on and climb the mountain before me..i know i can do it, if i wan to...and i really want it! god bless me =) and the people around me...

SUCCESS

2011-09-28T00:10:00.002+08:00

Success! what is it that deemed something to be successful.. i was questioned on this today... and my head goes about its thinking on it again....success to me is dependent on one's own thinking and definition. one would have their own success target in various points in their life; be it in education, in career, in family, in personal goals....once something is being set with target, then it is being judge whether it is successful or not, whether it reaches the ending that you set for it or not...so it is really dependent on that person's own personal views....
for me, am i successful? I am proud to say I am in my career aspect..things have been moving pretty fast and in my liking, (for the moment), being where I am today....although there has been obstacles here and there, which may not be easy to be dealt with....but as i ponder it back, why did i thought i am successful? was it because i have initially, previously set a goal on my career unnoticely? perhaps i did, out of my conscious mind...i notice that once you find yourself being successful, you will find the joy and contentment in it...its like a sigh of relief...that is my personal opinion as i've been there, done that....but nevertheless, success in other aspects is still far beyond my reach and i just am keeping my fingers crossed each moment...come what may =)

Blessings

2011-09-14T01:41:00.002+08:00

I'm becoming more and more emotionally attached lately...is it because im contemplating on my youth now that im turning a quarter of a century soon? gosh..time does flies so fast and im glad to be where i am today...am i? guess i am....
i always believe in counting your blessings. it is often pretty hard to look at things and think of them as blessings in disguise. imagine how could you turn an ugly situation and turn it into something beautiful in an instance? it could....but all in the head, nothing in reality.
well, i have always believe in positive thinking. i believe that thinking positively does helps us to view the world in a much better and nicer way. we will not focus on what is lacking, but instead be appreciative of what we have and already had. experience has always been a blessing in disguise, be in good ones or bad ones....it all depends on a person's personal point of view.
one thing is for sure, our life itself is already a blessing! embrace His gifts =)

mixed

2011-09-13T01:45:00.002+08:00

mixed reactions.....why cant they all just be straight forward...sending mixed signals does gives me mixed reactions...i've fallen into one before, and am afraid to make the same mistake again. hence, im sure to guard my heart closely this time around till it really feels right.....gosh....i hope im not taking it the wrong way...*fingers crossed*

Miss You Love You

2011-09-12T00:01:00.001+08:00

Miss You Love You.....listening to this song by Maroon 5..it sudenly got me into an adrenaline rush..was it the tune? was it the lyrics? or was it just the title.........well then..i guess, i just Miss You...and I.....................

love movies are a no-no

2011-09-10T23:09:00.003+08:00

oh how i hate love movies...ok, hate could be a strong word....more of like jealous, as i don't know whether do i have the same fairytale reality as what is shown in the movies.....haiz...
every girls' dream or fantasy, which only some have the privilege to make it come true....well well well.....maybe i just havent met the "right" one yet...come what may...

History repeats itself

2011-09-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

history repeats itself...err..two days ago...hehe....so much so as you do not want to recall the past, somehow it will just comes back to haunt you, even harder..as it brings you back to how it happened long time ago....
maybe im just too sensitive, but what is said, is said..can't be taken back....as my friend once mentioned, its like stabbing with a knife, after you take out the knife, the wound will still be there and leaves a scar forever (perhaps)...so that's how life is...so much so as we move on in life, but somehow the past will comes back from time to time...however, if only we know what to focus on in life, the past will just be history.....live in the present, leave the past and just hope for the future =)

Relieve

2011-08-31T22:34:00.002+08:00

it's good to have friends who listens..whether it is just for the sake of listening, or they are sincere in listening to what you have to say..im just grateful for having such friends...
for those who know me well, im not a person who opens up easily to anyone, what more on problems faced at work or with anything, cause im not a person who likes to tell it all out to just about anyone..no, i am not comfortable doing that...only when i am at ease, comfortable with a person then only will i let it all out....and i do feel relieve for doing such, because it is not easy for me to tell them all out, for the fear of what others will think of me, fear of the assumptions people may make of me....anyhow, it does feel good to share it with others...God bless them all =)

One year ago

2011-08-31T00:24:00.002+08:00

31st August!..it was exactly one year ago..exactly....a day of something not should be done, a day when everything was not suppose to begin in the first place...but now, its a just a history, a mere experience, something which im not really proud of, but should be glad enough that it happened. A day of memories ~ sad ones, disapointing ones, cheerful ones, interesting ones, etc. it WAS just a day of mixed feelings...WAS..yes...WAS...it happened, and i canot turn back time. and since then, everything went downhill...everything went from bad to worse...until i came to the lowest point in life, i hope, and now im here...

never in my mind had i thought that one year later, i would be where i am today. one year ago, my situation was so so much different...and ever since this particular date one year ago, i have been to places which i never thought i would and that led me to where i am today. decisions were made, actions were taken and here i am today.

well, guess all that happen one year ago was the opening of what is to hapen one year later, which is today. as the saying goes (i amended according to my version la), one door closes, the other opens to alot more opportunities, if only we are bold enough to open it...that is very true, seeing what has took place for the whole one year.....

one year ago....and now, one year later, im certainly grateful for where i am today,for the decisions i made due to what happen one year ago, and i have never looked back since (although i do at times), but life has to move on, and i did. and from now on, what happen one year ago, will just be a date to remember that it was the date that my life took a turning point.

Latest addition to the family

2011-07-01T00:26:00.001+08:00

30th of June marks the day we welcome someone new to the family.....drum roll.....drum roll louder....drum roll loudest................................

MY NIECE

she was born at 6.24pm via the C-Section and thank God that both mother and baby are well. She's just so pretty. Im sure she's gonna grow up into a beautiful lady!

Im a proud aunt today!

Where art thou?

2011-06-29T01:47:00.002+08:00

Time's changed...clock's ticking...but whats happening all around?

Life has been going on smoothly lately, but will it all just be online games and nothing else?

excitement, sports, entertainment...where art thou? i need a life too... :S

Life on a canvas

2011-06-24T22:31:00.001+08:00

Imagine a plain white canvas in front of you, and a box of paints with a set of brushes beside you. You are required to draw anything that comes to mind. What would you draw?
Well, life is like the white canvas, and every individual is responsible to be the artist to paint it with the colors of their choice. The paints are representing the personality and the strokes of brushes, made on the canvas are the lessons learnt in life. Every individual are dealt with challenges in life, whether it is small challenges like how to overcome some petty arguments or bigger challenges especially in determining the route of life in which the effect will be felt in the future.
A larger stroke of the brush would depict how big the challenge is and the lessons learnt. Often enough, these two goes hand in hand; bigger challenge, more lessons learnt. But what differentiate these strokes are the colors you used to paint them. Different colors will give a different effect on the whole painting that you would be drawing on the canvas. Of course a variety of colors on the canvas will make the picture more colorful and beautiful to be viewed, and vice versa. Colors of the paints, represents our personality in dealing with the problems or challenges that we faced.
Two persons may be facing a same problem, but what differentiate both are the way they handle that problem. Just like the painting, both may be having the same type of brush, but what differentiate between both paintings are the colors that they use to paint that particular stroke on the canvas. The color chosen and used, may beautify the whole picture or make it worse. Just like our lives, people with different personality will have their own way in facing their problems or challenges. The difference in this will also determine the lesson that they may learn from their whole ordeal of dealing with that problem or challenge. But what still remains the same is that they are still painting a picture onto the canvas. Meaning to say, whatever challenge that they may face, it is still part and parcel of their live and it will remain as part of them throughout their lives.
What is more important is that there are always lessons to be learnt everyday of our lives. It’s a never ending journey of self learning, coaching and discovering life. It is important to reflect on these lessons learnt, just as how you would admire the painting. If you think the color used is not suitable, use a different color that may fit into the whole picture you are painting. You are the artist, only you can determine how you would want to paint the picture. The picture is your life.

Mutant and proud!

2011-06-19T22:47:00.002+08:00

Mutant and proud! something i picked up from the X-Men First Class movie....a beautiful tagline, full of meanings..
Being mutant means being different. Often enough, we are so afraid to be who we really are, or rather who we want to be because we are so afraid of being called different. people are often worried that they will be sidelined, ignored, neglected, made-fun of, etc just by being out of the norm....so they just go with the flow...

But, that will only bring misery, torturing and suffering to mask your true self. Being bold and courageous to be who you are in a twisted world is something to be proud of. Being different is not always the negative, but it could sometimes be a blessing in disguise. Being different means being unique, outstanding and noticeable in certain ways ( i dont mean to be a show-off). To be daring to be who you are is a blessing. To show what you are made of, to be not afraid of everything and anything but at the same time being aware of everything thats around you. We should be praising God for being given the opportunity to be who we are, because He has already made us different in our own unique way and we should be proud!

Time to move on

2011-06-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

Time to move on...perhaps....the signs are all showing that times have moved on, but why do people still care, no..to be precise, why do I still care...am i still living in the past? am i still clinging on to hope? am i still hoping for the imposible? am i regretting? .... I was the one who made the first move, I should not regret it, but in fact look at the bright side..how it has changed me, how it has mould me into who i am today.....YES! There should never be R.E.G.R.E.T. in my dictionary...times have change..it has move on...time to forget the past and move on..all is history..HIStory..now, i should carve MYstory!

Blame-fool world

2011-05-17T22:47:00.004+08:00

It's such a blame-fool world! yes...i spelt it with a "fool" because only a fool knows how to blame people instead of examining themselves first before pointing fingers at others....

one finger pointing at others, while the other four fingers pointing back at you! that is just so true...for one fault, you 'push' it to others, but the real fault goes back to you........and all because we always look at the outer picture, but dare not dwell within to really find the actual cause or source...

that's just the ugly truth about life..blaming and blaming others but never once sit and examine who/what was at fault in the first place...point point point...just love pointing fingers at others...pushing the problems to others, pushing responsibilities to others, running away from the truth, running away from things that are suppose to be settled by themselves....

all on all...the easiest solution is to never depend on people, because no matter how much u trust them at the end of the day, when they let you down, thats always the worse...so the best bet is to always depend on yourself, on you alone! be brave and strive forward...life has more to offer.

Limitations

2011-05-17T12:17:00.003+08:00

Limitations...life and its limitations...a sentence as cliche as it sounds, a word as subjective as it sounds but weighs a million meaning....

What happens when we reached our limits? we boiled with anger, we boiled with irritation, we boiled with frustrations...all the negative thoughts boiled deep within...looking a solace, but where or to whom? people often advice me to seek solace in other people...but with the problem so clearly existing before us, do we still need to sit down and talk again? its like me knowing A,B,C..and the other party also knows A,B,C..is there still a need to sit down and learn A is for apple, B is for ball? ....wouldnt that just be a waste of time? why dont instead we use that wasted time to decrease the problem, to tackle the problem? situation and problems has surfaced, although yes, its necessary to discuss and see where the problem lies, but why waste time when you know what to do........ must it always be said one word by one word? isit not clear enough?....is there a real need to sit and waste more time?

That's always the problem in almost everyone...living in denial...always wanting to deny the truth that is out there...always trying to deny it by masking with lies....wake up people! the truth is there...embrace it and tackle it, especially when you know what to do.....dont waste time anymore...

Challenges

2011-05-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

Challenges..challenges..challenges....came out from a tiger's mouth, and into another one (quote from a famous malay phrase)... well, after 5 months into my new position, it certainly depicts that phrase.. i may just be like a normal individual, breaking down, stressing out or rather freaking out with the daily work that have to be handled daily...BUT...my nature, learn to look at things positively!

Yes! i'm under pressure and stress everyday. people may look at my outer being, but do not know what's burning deep within me...i do am liking what i am doing, that's why im willing to work my heart out and not look at the material values this has to offer (not that those aren't important,but not the priority)... i've used to ask myself and the people around me, whether the main purpose we are doing what we are doing is because of the money or because of the passion we have? majority would be for the money...BUT, its not alwaz the main priority. it is a necessity in life, but life doesnt have to depend on it to continue..even if we are to the point of penniless, there is always other things to look into in life, rather than just cash! it's because of passion, that will drive an individual to do what he likes..from that, he/she should make the most out of it and hope for the rest to stand in line (which very often do not seem like it)...

but i want to clarify that what im doing is what i love. i may sound stupid, but money is the bonus that i get from this job! i feel the experience and knowledge that i gained would be more valuable that any financial gainings that i may get..life has its own way of teaching us, and i honestly believe than money isnt!

the road ahead is filled with more n more challenges..but i hope with His strength and guidance, im able to pull through this ordeal and make something out of it...i hope im strong enough...im already breaking down...hope this is just the beginning for greater things to come * fingers crossed*

I just havent met you yet

2011-05-01T23:19:00.005+08:00

Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to loose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all’s fair in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazin
And bein in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid to give so much more than I get
I said love love love love love love love
I just haven't met you yet

Michael Buble just summed it all up perfectly in this song...lately i've been really feeling under
the weather...thinking and thinking what will happen with LOVE...
being single has its pros and cons..you get to do what you want to do, you get freedom..but at the end of the day, there seems like nothing is 'there'....there is always a sense of loneliness...no matter how much of soap operas or movies you may stuff yourself with, or how many hours you spent online with games..there is always a void space within, telling you that you need someone..
but i just havent met him yet....

As Michael Buble says it....i will give so much more than I can get...that is definitely true...if only..i met you

Hypocrites

2011-04-08T00:49:00.002+08:00

Hypocrites..just a bunch of people whom i despise the most.. i just can't bear with these kind of people...some may call it two-headed (or more headed) person, but just a simple 9 letter word sums the whole meaning of who that person is..
and with the challenges in everyday's world...im afraid of turning into one...

the question is just a simple one : is it so hard to be who you really are? is it so important to alwaz wear a mask or put on a show just so to fit in? to feel belong? that is just what being a hypocrite is all about... to hide your true self...

through out these years (not so long a period la),i began to realize who i really am. i realize that i have alwaz wanted or tried to be someone who im not just to feel belong, and it really took me a long time to actually noticing that it is really eating me inside out...the torture and misery that you have to go through, to put on a mask to face people whom you are not comfortable with, to put on an act to mingle with people which are not in the same wavelength with you (which only make you an idiot in front of them)..yes! through all this, ive learn to see things in a whole different manner...to see the bright side of things! for example, the misery and torture that we have to go through with "not same gang" type of people, helps us to examine who we really are, to get to know the other party (in an uncomfortable way) and to know who or where you belong to! its like a matter of try-and-error..you will never know the error, till you try it...thats just as simple as it sounds, but of course harder in reality! a true conviction in life..

hence, to avoid being a hypocrite, its just two ways : to confront the conflict, or to just avoid the conflict....the simplest way (for me), is to just avoid it.. no comments, no arguments, no disfigurement,..i came in peace, i shall leave in peace... though being in such difficult situation may require good judgement and a courageous heart..BUT be assured, that HE will always guide you to whats best for you. Trust in Him! ALL for the GLORY of HIM. Amen!

Understanding

2011-03-22T00:43:00.003+08:00

Understanding..such a simple word, yet holds a thousand (or more) meaning..a very deep and valuable word. all it requires it just two right frame of mind, moving hand in hand...simple and cliche as it sounds, but that is just what that builds understanding between two (or more) individuals.
let me quote what Gandhi said, which really strikes me :

Harmony is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony

that is just what understanding is all about...things that are in harmony brings understanding..if one mind outweigh the other, then misunderstanding occurs.. thats just a fact, an ugly truth...learn to embrace it, and life would be much better

Life as it is...

2011-02-27T02:12:00.002+08:00

Life..i just love talking about it..hehe...as cliche as it may sound, well life is just life itself..interesting yet not trouble-free..
it is indeed complicated.just a four letter word, yet so much meaning in it... the ups and downs, the joys and disapointment, the success and failures..its just unmeasurable..yet, it is still a fun-going process, if we know how to look at it.

Life is indeed fun...although with tears, sadness, disapointments, yet it still has alot to offer..looking through the lines...these bad episodes, will just help us to be stronger..it teaches us what are the not-to-do things, what is and what is not.. it builds us inside out, to be a more matured person, to know what is right, to know how to think for the best...

well, life is full of setbacks..obstacles after obstacles..nothing comes free in life (as the famous saying goes)..everything comes in pairs..good things will come with bad things, success comes with failure..well, thats just life.. like it or not, we are all in it!

Fate

2011-02-08T01:35:00.002+08:00

Today i came across an ancient Chinese story which speaks about Life and Fate! it tells of how our lives had been planned since our birth till the very last day..which we often known this phenomena as FATE.... it also states there at the end of the story that each individual are fated to certain things, thus we shall not force ourselves to do things or to experience things which we aren't fated to do...how true is this statement? well, personally, i do not really believe this.. although looking back to where i am now, it does seems like everything has been perfectly planned out...with a new job, this spells new opportunity, new challenges, new experiences...experiences which will only make us a better individual, a better person, strong enough to face the multi changing world... life indeed is fated. each person is fated to certain things in life..but it all depends on whether we would be willing to accept it and live with it.. which is of course easier said than done..as we would not notice all these unless we have "been there, done that"... only then when we actually take a moment to look back, reflect..only then we would realized that..Life is Indeed Fated!

End of a chapter....marks the beginning of a new one!

2010-12-13T17:08:00.002+08:00

As cliche as it sounds..thats the truth..the end of a chapter truly marks the beginning of a new one...thats just how life is..we can't be always staying static at one point in life..we need to keep moving...as we aged, we grow (well, now i sound old to myself..hehe)...but thats just life!

Time waits for no man...its our choice to determine how we would want to fill that time! be it working till your hearts content, or enjoying till your pockets run dry, or just sit and lay back reminiscing of the past....we all have our own mission and vision about our own life...definitely everyone wants to succeed in life, but the only thing that differs is how we actually define success in our life. some may say that earning more money defines how successful we are, some may say having someone to love and be loved is already a success...well...success is individualistic; every individual have their own fair share of success..well, to me..success is just very simple..to be contented with what you have and what you are today! its not easy being where i am today, or being who i am today inside out..(ok fine, physically its easy to be like me..i admit that)...but thats how it is...although i can admit that i dont think im successful yet to this very day, but im positive that im on the verge of it....its just a matter of whether im able to identify and take notice of it all.....and all it requires is wisdom!

im now moving to a new chapter in life...the old chapter has shape and mould be to what i am today, and im truly blessed for it....through good times and bad times, life certainly is looking better....as what ive told to people before "we will not know what is best till we experienced the worse"...that is what i believe in, and im certain of the truth in it! it is only when u have experienced the worse, can you appreciate what you have around you...we shall not take things for granted anymore but instead be grateful for being where you are and what you are! Praise the Lord!

Planned

2010-11-17T19:51:00.002+08:00

God has a plan for all of us...cliche as it sounds, but that's a fact! a fact which i proudly support!...

Life with all its ups & downs certainly make it even more interesting and of course, more meaningful..something which make us what we are today..going through some bad experiences will only make us stronger mentally as well as emotionally..only then do we feel grateful of everything that we had or have...family, friends, a job, etc. it teaches us that life is not to be taken for granted with..if we want to succeed, we have to work for it..that means taking risk, taking chances...being courageous enough to take the big leap!! yes! that is what it is...a doubtful leap initially, but life has to move on...opportunity has knock on my door, and now its time to move on...life hasnt been very kind to me lately, and i feel its already the right time to start anew..to take the risk and move on to greener pastures..to start a new phase..to take up new challenges....as plan by HIM!! AMEN

What is God telling you with the problems He permits in your life?

2010-10-24T19:23:00.000+08:00

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life :
1. God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways”. Proverbs 20:30
2. God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags. If you want to know what’s inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God ever tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? “When you have many kinds of troubles, you should e full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience” James 1: 2-3
3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something, health, money and relationship by losing it. “It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws” Psalm 119:71-72
4. God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem – but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management’s actions were eventually discovered. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” Genesis 50:20
5. God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you’re going to take with you into eternity. “We can rejoice when we run into problems they help us to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it; until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.” Romans 5:3-4

God is at work in your life even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it’s much easier and profitable when you co-operate with Him.

Life has to go on....

2010-09-05T10:52:00.003+08:00

Life has been challenging lately..with more n more things that matters not just of the mind but of the heart...but yet..life has to go on..its getting difficult with each day...things are getting deeper and deeper, mentally and emotionally...moving on to new phases in life..which i have been always doubting myself about it....
hmmm.....*sigh*...life just have to go on....whether we like it or not....and live it like it's your last ..

Let's Start Over

2010-08-01T20:57:00.002+08:00

Let's start over....its been such a LONG LONG LONG time since i last blogged.....
ever since i lost my beloved lappie..things have all changed...change for the better..i hope...

well, so im determined to start blogging once again..to let my thoughts go free, to be allowed to share my dreams, anxiety, memories, hopes, etc..even if no one wants to know about them (hahaha).....

I am now already in a different phase of life altogether...living my own personal dream, earning my own, surviving on my own...now that's what truly life is...the true experience of living with people each day, working with ALL sorts of people and just how to "beautifully" adapt to everything that is ever-changing each day...

life is indeed a struggle, but a beautiful one indeed..a journey that is indescribable, a journey so unique to each and everyone around...a journey that makes us who we are to this very day

Today's mass theme was just so wonderful : WHAT MATTERS MOST..well that is certainly a question we will be thrown with sooner or later in life...what matters most to us..our family? our career? wealth? health? friends? money? materials?...different people have different needs, thus their priorities in life is certainly different and accustomed to their needs and situation..hence, understanding is so crucial in this aspect..to understand and be aware that differences among people are what make us all unique. embrace that fact and life would certainly be a much brighter place.. =)

Feeling Bad

2009-05-06T16:52:00.003+08:00

hmmm..............

feeling bad for doing things which some are unable to do

feeling bad for buying things which some can't afford to

feeling bad for taking things which we don't own it

feeling bad for owning things which we don't deserve to

hmmm.....sigh...................hmmm....

feeling bad to let people down

feeling bad for making people misunderstood me

feeling bad for not allowing people to understand the real situation

feeling bad for unable to put things right

hmmm......sigh........sigh.....sigh......hmmmm....

its so hard at times to let people understand the real situation that is happening...but i gues its the normal human habit and nature, to just see things in one dimension and ignoring the other dimension(s) when in fact, the other dimension(s) is what make a difference overall..(sounds complicated ha?...hehe).....well, its sometimes pretty bad when people are just expecting something out of you, or expecting you to do something, but somehow due to some obligations or constraints, you are just unable to go with the flow....and to make matters worse, when they would just not understand your situation and simply made up a conclusion(which they make it all up in their favour).....haiah...life life life....guess that's just a bad episode in life...........

My Triduum

2009-04-17T00:34:00.002+08:00

Its been almost a week since Easter Sunday....well...it was an indeed whole different experience for me this year...a more meaningful triduum i shall say....i had my own experience of 'the' triduum...

Good Friday this year would be a memorable one for me...a day when everything just finished or just ended....we are always reminded on how Jesus' loses his life through the crucifix, the same way, i was also reminded of the ends of my undergraduate studies by losing something important to me as well.... the pain was definitely there, the memories of it...just as how Jesus endured his pain, i was motivated to do the same (sounds superficial? well, thats how i really felt..).the pain was unbearable at first..weeping, questioning, recalling back..but somehow it all 'vanished' right after the service....this made me believe (sorry, to say this) and strongly believe, that when Jesus' died, he realy saved us all...He came so that we may lived, He died to save us all, He died with all our sins and sorrows as well...and indeed, He did just that...I admit now that i was on the verge of weeping a couple of times during the service, thinking of what had happened earlier, but somehow, after the service, i felt at peace...no more hurt, no more anguish, no more pain...just a peaceful and relieved heart....He really heals....

His resurrection was truly a sign of hope. Rising up from the dead indicated that He is truly our one and only hope. Death was, to anyone of us, the end of life...but to Jesus, that was just the beginning...and i really believe in that...I was feeling so hopeless on Good Friday, but somehow, i was looking forward to Easter because i know that there is hope..hope in the world..hope for everything and anything as long as we believe in it...

Hence, this year triduum was indeed a more meningful and memorable one...i truly experience the real meaning of the triduum....as my dad put it, "this is your cross to bear on Good Friday"...and indeed...i carried my cross with courage and faith, that He is always there no matter what...He is our hope and i trust in Him...Alleluia! He is risen

Hip Hip HOOOOORAAYYYY!!!!

2009-04-10T00:01:00.004+08:00

YAY...im finally back into the blogging world....what kept me away for so long, some may ask..well i was busy with my final year project, and now i am proud to announce that it is DONE! i finally handed it up today....WOOHOO!!! YIPPEE!! HIP HIP HOORAY! Hip Hip Hooray! hiP hiP HOOOORAY!!! hahaaha....can feel the happiness and sense of relief?? well, pictures say it all...

YAY!! the final product!

Not that thick la..hehe..ok ok lah...

Boo....I can see you! hahaha

Creepy ah? hahaha...small little finger there...failed attempt la...aiks

Proud owner of the little blue book! Gleaming with joy =)

WOW! what a relief! One whole year of hard work, sweat, tears, joy, laughter, fun, stress, tension, pressure, etc etc...so many things that happened during the whole period...but, its all worth it la....though kena marah here n there so many times, kena tangkap a few times, kena kutuk sometimes...hahaha....sounds so kesian like that, but those were the things that make life much more interesting and worth learning. As the saying goes, everyday is a learning process (hmm...sounds weird la, i got the phrase right onot ah? hahaha)....hehe..those unlucky episodes were just plain unlucky lah..or maybe they just happened for a reason....though it is sad to think of those episodes, however, looking back, i can now laugh at it....hahaha...how we felt at that moment, the anguish, the anger, the frustration, the anxiety, the 'unworthiness'...wow...it is truly a priceless journey...

but to come to think of it, if those things didnt happen, will there be any difference to the present situation? will life be just like it is now? hmm....i seriously did learnt alot during the whole duration of my final year project...not just in terms of studies, acquiring new knowledge and skills, but i learnt alot about myself too, and the people around me...it allowed me to know who i am better, examining the real me in me (ooo..cool phrase...haha self praise)...i grew with it, i learnt alot in terms of values and principles....life is just so colourful and worth exploring if you have the right brushes to paint them...(wah...what's with me la....so many lines and phrases just pouring out...lolx)

thesis in an indirect way also got me looking forward towards the Holy Week...one main reason, hahaha....is that i get to hand in my thesis on Good Friday itself...so meant that i can enjoy my Easter fully! woo hoo...easter eggs!!! hahaha.....well, on the other hand, i can say and admit that this is the first time i am really eager and anticipating the 'arrival' of the Holy Week, which started last week with the Palm Sunday...where i went to "take" palms from places which i wasnt supposed to...lolz....

But, i think the reason was that i felt very much connected to Jesus at this point in time... the whole experience i had with all kinds of feelings and emotions accompanying it, was just as what He experienced...that got me thinking alot as the during the whole period of my project, i was at times on the verge of quitting, due to the accumulative stress, pressure and tension surrounding me...it was eating me inside out and often at times, i was questioning myself and asking why in the first place did i chose to be what i am today....it was really a test for me, i shall say..a real test which often i myself doubt if i ever able to pull through it..

when i was watching the Passion of Christ the other day...it really made got me to realize..all the pain and struggles that i had to put up, was so little compared to what Jesus had to go through...all the sufferings, the beatings from the soldiers, the scourging at the pillar, the long walk to Golgotha...but yet, He willingly accept it without much complains....His journey was far far more further than how far we have to walk everyday, His pain was far far more painful than all the headaches and heartaches that we have due to stress, His wounds were much much more deeper than the hurt we felt inflicted by others towards us...but yet, His willingness to accept this as the will of the Father was just so inspiring..how many of us were willing to accept all these so easily? And often when we were in difficult situations, we question Him : why me, God?....but have we ever realized that what we go through was just so minor than to what He has to go through just to save us, worthless and sinful wretch.....

and now, at this very hour, "the Hour" is here...its just a few hours before He goes through all the pain, sufferings, hurts, spittles, slaps, beatings and whippings...gosh...im wondering what does He actually feels and thinks at these very last few hours of His life...My Lord and My God, I shall walk with you through your last final hours just as how You have always walk with me...Your strength and faith kept me going each day and for sure, that was what that kept You moving on as well...Let us never lose that faith in You...=)

Back after a long break........

2009-03-21T13:37:00.003+08:00

wow wow wow....2 months since i last blogged....what a long time ago...hahaha..but then, time flies so quick that you wouldnt even have the time to sit and realized what is gone, or what is happening, or even worrying of what is to come.......

hmm....2 months duration.....many things happened, many things ended, many things started as well....will blog bout it soon...hehe...when the 'spirit-of-blogging' comes back into me...lolz

all in all....life so far has been kind to me, i supposed...though its normal to be pressurized with studies..but i hope to be able to pull through for these 2 months remaining before i finally gain my 'freedom'......

Not easy

2009-01-23T01:19:00.004+08:00

Mixed feelings...that's how i have been feeling lately..things came and go...causing perturbation to the mind...confusion, distraction, unsure of what to do...or even worse, dont know how to feel; dont know how to even portray the right emotions..(hahaha this brings back memories of what i learnt in my personality class....) things have been happening around me, thankfully, not directly to me lah...but somehow, indirectly, it affected me to a certain extend as well

Some of my friends were in trouble lately, big trouble i shall say...i feel so bad for them, but somehow i just can't help much, because there is nothing much that i can help to solve it....all i can do is just to lend my ear to them, to be a platform for them to let things out of their shell...because speaking from experience, it is certainly very hard to just keep everything to oneself...slowly it will cause the body and mind to rot...hehe...too exaggerating pulak...hahahahaha..

anyhow, it was a lesson not just for my friends, but i also learnt from all that has happened and is happening. i've learnt that it is important to understand people, to learn to be in their shoes..because we may not understand how they feel unless we are experiencing the similar thing..humans always have a bad habit to jump into conclusion, making assumptions and false accusations just because we don't really know the truth...it is very important to learn to listen to other people, learn of the whole situation from either parties before making any conclusion...we have to try and think and feel like them in order to fully understand what they are in...no point just listening just for the sake of listening or sengaja wana 'kepoh' about people's problems...

it is not easy for a person to willing to open up to other people, of their emotions, problems or feelings towards something..not easy to find someone who we can totally trust to tell everything to them...not easy to just spill out every detail of our lives to someone,no matter how close that person is to you...it is certainly not easy.....its even harder to find someone who is willing to listen to you, to understand how you really feel, to be willing to help you out of your problems....however, i know only one person who is above all this criteria...He is the one and only person who totally understands us..He is the one who is willing to listen if only we are willing to tell it out...He is the one who is always there whenever we are in difficult situations...He is the one! Trust in Him and He will do the rest =)

Surrender

2009-01-17T21:57:00.003+08:00

The past few days and weeks have been crazy....im not exaggerating, but it was really crazy..if not for my spinal cords, i would have just drop down anytime and anywhere.......it was full of running around, settling this, settling that, making sure things are alright...phew....i was at a dead end...but thankfully, i am happy to say that i am now still able to stand up till this very day, because all i did was to surrender everything to Him...and indeed He works in mysterious ways..

i was so frustrated and disapointed with everything that was taking place..everything...from the people(s) itself down to the nitty-critty work that i was doing.... I was even at a point of just running away, escaping from everything that is happening and run off to a place all alone..i really wanted a break and a vacation from everything...things have been coming and coming, never going and going.it was really a difficult, tough and pressuring situation....phew...what a life! but thankfully, i managed to get through all this by totally surrendering all to Him. i had no one else to turn to but Him alone, He knows what is best and i certainly trusted Him...and thankfully, slowly things got settled. one at a time...things were falling into places, problems were solved, all the efforts of running aroung were worthwhile...praise the Lord!

things really worked out when we trust in Him, when we are totally sincere of what we ask, we will surely received it from Him. never ever doubt His presence because He is always there no matter what happens, through thick or thin, through troubles and pain, He will never leave us..trust in Him and He will do the rest. Alleluia!!

W.A.I.T.

2009-01-13T02:05:00.006+08:00

That's what we just love doing....to wait...wait for what? no one really knows the answer...that's what we always do...we wait and wait; wait for a person to take charge, wait for a person to step up and take responsibility, wait for a person to do all the work, wait wait and more waiting........ why the heck must we just wait? can't we just step up and take hold of whatever we were suppose to do..no need to wait for orders, wait for instructions, wait till the time is right (which no one knows when..just a lame excuse).....we can wait for things, but do we ever wonder : "does time wait for us?" sorry man, time doesn't wait for anybody nor anything....you can wait your whole life for something, in the end you will just end up like the picture above; all 'wrinkly' and 'boney'...and what to do when that happens? we still wait, but this time, we wait for our death....see, our whole lives revolve around these four letters :

WAIT

when will we ever stop waiting?

If we were to just stop waiting, take up the responsibility and moved on, life would definitely be so much easier and happier...if only it is..........

Too much

2009-01-12T21:06:00.004+08:00

one after another........life has been full of surprises...when i say surprises, i don't meant the nice, sweet and pretty wans, but those ugly, unexpected and full of burden........gosh oh gosh.........
people think im just so free, sitting around, nothing to do isit???? goodness gracious...i have a life too, i have many things to do as well.. so easy for people to just pass judgement without knowing the real truth....do you think it is a nice thing to do? simply assume things just because i did not response to anything? i am also trying my best to solve things, settle things, bring things back to the way it used to be...however, i can't do this all alone, although i have been all this while...and the worse thing is when people just hope that i do it all again, without realising how much burden and responsibility that i also have other than this.......i can't do this all alone again, without support from those who are in this as well...things will not work out if we just wait for one another, and don't just wait for me just because im in-charge of this...you all are in this together, so we are all together as a team....we should work this out together...please understand my situation.....i am breaking very soon...with the past two weeks filled with so much 'surprises', i can't bear to handle any more 'surprises' anymore...my heart just can't take it anymore....there is just too much to bear.............................................

Passion Vs. Risk

2009-01-11T22:06:00.004+08:00

Passion versus Risk. Should i follow my passion and dare to take the risk? or should i just let go my passion to avoid from the risk that comes with it?? what a difficult decision to make.....such a simple issue, yet, the burden and effect that comes with it is so huge that i am doubting whether i can handle it myself....

Passion. Such a nice word (hahaha...i know some may thing i am crazy for saying so...laugh all you want). Its not something new, however it is not easy to find something that we are really passionate about...we like alot of things, be it a material, a person or just simply an action...however, of so many things that we like, how many are those that we are really passionate about it?

we human beings have a very bad habit of following. we just love to follow other people, precisely follow the majority...what do majority people do, we follow; what do majority people wear, we follow; how do majority people act, we follow; we just love to follow, follow and follow.....they always have the same thinking "it is safest to follow the majority"....to avoid any risk, they follow; to avoid any problems, they follow.......gosh, that's how the whole world is, or so it is....that's what we are exposed to, and therefore tend to follow in as well, to join in the crowd......but somehow, is it wise enough to just let go our passion and just follow the 'crowd' just so to avoid any risk? is it a good solution? is it the right thing to do? will i regret it at the end of the day?

A dream, a passion that i have....but there is a huge risk accompanying it..i've been in this situation before, but i was confident then....i was very sure of myself, sure of what i want to do, sure of what was my next move...however, this time, things were more 'severe' than i thought it is....i still feel the same passion that i used to have, however i'm losing out on the confidence, besides the discouragement i feel from my surroundings.no support, no positive answer, nothing..i am alone in this...i am at doubtful ends now..it is a decision which i really can't make, i'm afraid i will make a mistake.........i'll just surrender all to Him. He knows what is right... He is my only hope.....

New Year New Problem

2009-01-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

A new year....hahaha abit lapuk la since its already the 2nd week of the new year....guess its really so long since i last blogged. anyhow, still not late yet to wish all out there a very

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009

well....two weeks into the new year, and things hasn't been all smooth flowing, its normal right...but things at uni were just so crazy..last minute scrapping-off for a particular class, running around to clear matters, settling things here and there...and paling teruk is sudenly i realize that i was put in-charge of the whole situation...phew...what a responsibility and task to handle.....its like the whole class's hope and future was in my hands.....what a week man!!!

but as my friend told me, this situation really showed me who is the want who is really serious about things, who can be trusted and reliable on (for the record, im not talking bout myself here ok...hehe).....the phrase "empty vessels make the loudest noise" was clearly seen in this situation....people will just be people, just love to complain, complain and complain, and then sit there and do nothing, hoping that someone else would do the dirty job, and they get the benefit from all of it! goodness gracious, these type of people, i really wish you all the luck to survive in the real world...i really wish you all the luck you can get to survive!

but then again, isit just me being stupid to willingly do all the dirty job, while other people just get the benefit from all of it?? or isit just so unlucky that i was chosen to do it?? haiah....wat to do....what a way to start the new year...just hope that it doesn't dissapoint me any further..

The departure of a love one

2008-12-30T23:25:00.001+08:00

I thought the year would end smoothly...however a news i received this evening shattered every dream i had, every wish i had, every hopes i had...i lose someone so dear to me this very evening, someone so close to me.... i lose my dog this evening...his battle with his sickness was lost...i was shock with the news...everyone knew that he is getting old, and is frequently getting his seizure lately, but none of us expected him to leave us so fast.....

needless to say, i cried and cried and cried so much..my eldest sis called me, we both wept on the phone, my second sis called me, we both wept on the phone too, i called my mum, and we both wept together on the phone too....i wept too; a whole box of tissue to be precise (really, not bluffing, i still keep the empty box if u wan proof).....he has been part of the family for 10 years, he was so close to be celebrating his 11 birthday, just 11 days away...but i guess, his time is up

my mum told me of how he struggled in the morning from a seizure he got, and she really felt so much pityness for him then because of the struggles and fights he had to put up with...she prayed to God to release him of his pain because she just can't bear watching him in much pain any longer...and i guess God knew what was best for him too...to take him in His care up above...

the whole family misses him so much...he has been a great guard, a companion, a friend and most of all, a brother I never had...i will always miss you....

how we spent the evenings together,

how i used to brush you so that you can impress the bitches around,

how you like being tickle on your tummy,

how you love playing catch with the tennis balls,

how you love swinging any cloth you came across,

how i have to sit next to you just so that you will eat your food while there were fireworks around,

how you always bully me when we go for evening walks,

how you love being stroke on the nose,

how you love sitting on the swing,

how you love your shower,

how you love sitting on the grass while dad cuts it,

how you just like to mess up the shoes just so that you could sit comfortably,

how you like sitting among the animals while it is raining,

how you patiently wait for your food,

how you understand each and every word we say,

and just how you be just who you are.

Its a sad thing that you left us without us preparing for your departure..but i'm sure you are now at a much better place for you, relief of your pain and watching over us...we will always miss you and remember how wonderful you have been, and how big a difference you have made in each and everyone of us. God bless you and forever keep you in His care. We love you, Max....we will always do.

A new semester

2008-12-29T23:08:00.000+08:00

Time just flies so fast....a month's semester break just came and went, just like that with a snap of the finger.....a month's break it was, but it never was a break for me...things were just as it is, everyday was filled with work, work and more work....back and forth i travelled to the lab, an hour and a half journey, left the house before the sun rises and went back home after the sun sets....as my sister told me, "you are more busy than those who are working"....hahahaha....that is true...weekends were never a break either, everyday was being used up to catch up on my work, rushing for datelines which are closer and closer each day.....it is as tiring as it sounds...apart from the work load, the tension and pressure was also a contributing factor that affected me in various ways...i was almost at the verge of quitting it all, just giving up everything...however, something within me refuses to let go, something kept me hanging on..and i sure know that He has something to do with it...which i am thankful for, because of where i am now.

tomorrow marks the beginning of a new semester, my last and final semester (i hope) before i am 'release' into the real world...the last and final semester for me to proof to myself that i can be what i always wanted to be...the last and final semester for me to use my capabilities to perform the best i can...the last and final semester to struggle, to suffer and to work hard to pursue my dream.....the last and final chance for me to excel in my studies to obtain my degree...no turning back now...its been two and a half years of struggles, pain, sufferings, anxiety, pressure, etc that made me what i am today....there is no giving up now, its once and for all...a new semester, a new outlook...i can do it, if i want to..and i shall do it...i know You will be with me, You have always been...lets work together again...we can make it great =)

Jesus's Birthday

2008-12-27T01:45:00.008+08:00

It was a celebration indeed...the birthday of Jesus...a day in which the whole world knows it as Christmas! a day of giving and receiving presents, a day filled with sales here and there...but most importantly, a day to be together with our loved ones to celebrate the coming of our saviour into this world....

Christmas is just the best time of the year....an occasion which i always look forward to every year..more for the presents, frankly...hahaha..but that was years ago....however, as i grew up i began to realize that its not just merely the presents i was looking forward to, its more of the togetherness that i really really anticipate...to be together with our loved ones; our families..

As what i have blogged a few days ago, how i dreaded the whole thing for the first time this year....i guess it actually turned out to be something good for me..because of those feelings that i had a few weeks earlier, i tend to cherish and treasure this year's Christmas even more...when the days drew closer and closer to Christmas, i felt myself beginning to feel the excitement once again, the anticipation towards the whole celebration, the wonderful feeling to see my family members once again...to share the joy and spirit of Christmas with one another....

when the real day actually came, everything just seem to take its place in perfect order..everything went smoothly and i felt a deep sense of joy and happiness with a pinch of relief and peacefulness in my heart...its not the gifts or the christmas tree surrounded with so many presents, but its just the presence of your love ones, to see them once again, to share in this joyful and meaningful occasion of our faith...to celebrate the birth of our Saviour...and that is just the best gift anyone could receive.....

The tree surrounded with so many presents

Well, Christmas, to me is a time to be with our loved ones; our friends and families. so here is what i have been doing this year for Christmas ..........

Pre-Christmas lunch 1 at Italliannies with Isaac and Carol....yummy

Christmas Eve lunch at Kim Gary with Isaac and Carol

Christmas Day's lunch buffet at my uncle's house in Klang....

look at the amount of food prepared by my cousins

Hahaha.....at the end of it all...posing sikit with the tree at home

wow....sekelip mata and the day ended so fast...talking with my friends showed me the various ways people celebrated Christmas this year...some went Christmas carollings, but the most noble thing they did was to visit the children in the paediatric ward in the hospital on early Christmas morning, to sing carols and hand out gifts to the children there....it was just so nice to hear that, the oportunity to share the gift from God with the children, bring joy and happiness to them, to relief them of their pain and sickness that they are suffering from...what a great way to celebrate Christmas...God bless you all....

i was glad to hear that my friends did that during Christmas, which i was a bit sad for not being able to join them as well, however, i am so so grateful to God for the opportunity to spend it with my families, its not what we do together but its the presence of each and everyone of them that make my Christmas a meaningful one this year. In them, i can feel Him, which i feel is the utmost important thing as we celebrate His birth. Happy Birthday Jesus. We love you =)

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T20:36:00.002+08:00

A BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO ALL
im so happy today......things turned for the better....will be back to blog......Blessed to God Most High

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS

Christmas and Me

2008-12-20T00:48:00.003+08:00

i am sitting right now in front of the christmas tree at home and wondering.....what is christmas to me this year? what are the things that cause me to look forward to it, this very year?? i used to have the answers to these questions....but sadly, this year...i have none! and i have to admit it, that it is a 'sad case' if one does not have the mood to celebrate it, the 'christmas mood' to be precise....

yes, christmas is always the time to celebrate the birth of our Saviour, our Master, our King, our Friend...and it is certainly the best time to be with our loved ones, our families especially...its a time of giving and receiving, whether its presents or just a simple greeting of 'Merry Christmas'.. its a time to share and spread the joy with one another...its a time of welcoming something precious or rather a new beginning...

but sad to say, i can't feel the spirit of christmas this year....there isn't much that i look forward to this year, though im excited at the fact that my family will be coming down to celebrate together, however, i can't feel the 'christmas mood'...there isn't the 'spark' that i used to feel everytime when december comes...to me, its just like any other ordinary month and day...which i think, its a very sad thing.....haih.....maybe the pressure and anxiety around me is causing all these, the tension and stress is so great, that it supresses all my festive mood....gosh...this is not what one hopes for when december comes.....

frankly, i was actually so looking forward to Christmas somewhere middle of the year, and was even talking and sharing my excitements about Christmas with a good friend then, with so much interest and enthusiasm about the whole thing, how i anticipate the coming of December....but then, now when the time is here, everything is just the opposite...sad to say this, but i want to be honest here that im really dreading it day by day, wishing that the day pass slowly so that Christmas does not come so soon......

one friend asked me the other day : "what would be the reason for a non catholic to celebrate christmas?"...but now when i think of that question, i, who am a catholic is pondering that question myself..................my oh my.....why is such happening to me????? show me the light, God......im in total darkness now.....i am doubting if i will ever find the light and get out of the darkness surrounding me......help me to be strong.. i cant bear it any longer

gosh.....

2008-12-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

how can things go further wrong? even a short break doesnt help much....things just kept bugging and bugging me continuously....anxiety, stress, tension, pressure, regrets....and to top it all, i've now fallen sick...what a 'good' way to end the year......gosh :-S

Cherish

2008-12-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

"Love is not finding someone to live with , It's finding someone you can't live without. "
- Fr. Alvin -

This was a quote from Fr. Alvin's homily during today's sunset mass, and it captured me right on the spot. It is such a beautiful quote and it certainly brings a very deep meaning altogether. and

in true life, undeniable, it is not easy to find someone who you can't live without...it takes commitment, connection, chemistry and most importantly, love.

well, after mass...(maybe its the Holy Spirit's work), we headed for a movie, Twilight

it was really a wonderful movie that shows how great love is..it really pictures the true meaning of love, just like the quote mentioned above..and the story is just being told in such a different but beautiful manner...as what is written in the poster, "when you can live forever. what do you live for?" a question worth pondering....

hmm.....what would i actually do then?? will i take back or change anything that has happen? well, there is a definite YES to that question for some reasons, but then, reflecting on my life these years, there is always a reason for everything that had happen, whether good or bad...life is full of choices, its just a matter of whether we made the right choice.....we can't turn back time, so its best not to recall on the past and think of those failures or disapointments that had occurred, but instead learn from it...sometimes, we have to be grateful for the bad things that happen in life, though everyone wouldnt want any bad things to happen, but somehow, it teaches us more about life, only thing, it teaches us in a harder way.....

bad things that happen will only allow us to cherish and treasure our life even more, our belongings, our families and friends and not to take things for granted. things aren't always a smooth ride, it is full of pot-holes and humps that we have to undergo each day to move on to the next level...once we learnt to cherish everything that has happened in our lives, things will be brighter each day....~have a nice day~

The bus

2008-12-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

exhaution. tiredness.....oh my goodness...lately, my days has been so filled up with 'work' and 'travelling'.. its really so tired to just be waiting for ...jeng jeng jeng.....

The Bus!

though it is so, but i cant deny the fact that it is very convenient to travel here and there, around the city...and everyday has been an interesting journey, filled with the diversity of people i meet on the bus, observing their actions and the way they comunicate...there is always a story to tell of my journey on this particular vehicle...however so, im really really physically exhauted to blog about it now.....~faint~

Opening up

2008-12-01T23:15:00.003+08:00

i've learnt in one of my classes that it is not encouraging and even not healthy to keep our feelings and problem to ourself..because in long term, it may have an effect on our health and our mind too...which at first i regard it as a 'myth' or just something which i would discard and disagree

why so?? because that's how i've been living my life...keeping everything to myself'; my anger, my dissapointments, my frustrations, my irritations,etc....just about everything..except for the positive ones which i would be happy to share with others....but that's just me...and certainly, it doesn't really bother me that much, although at some point, it does is a painful pill to swallow..

however, lately, i would want to agree with what i learnt earlier. the pressure and stress that i have been through lately is seriously something that i could not handle anymore. too much anxiety and lack of understanding is seriously eating me inside out and it was really costing me alot...because i have been having headaches a few nights in a row. and it is not just a simple headache, cured with Panadol..but the feeling is just so bad...it feels like as though my brain is gonna explode from my skull at any moment in time, and i became "mood-less"(is there such a word?? haha....), didn't have the drive to do anything at all...just a very bad headache and an empty soul....thats just how i felt and was going through....it was a tough time indeed.....

then i slowly try to open up to my friends on my problems and the things that i have been going through...and seriously, though after much coaxing, i still couldnt find the strength to just open up to people and share with them my problems...what to do? that's just a bad nature of mine...but thanks to my friend also for being patient and understanding of my situation. appreciate it :)....eventualy, after an overnight thought and a visit to church eventualy allow me to build up my courage to open up to a friend of mine of my current dilemma....and it certainly paid off....i really felt so much better, the burden has been lifted slightly (though not much, but sufficient enough to allow my headache to subside)...i began to see things in a different picture and certainly, open up options that can help solve my problems too..and i felt so relief after that, to finally letting it out from my shell..i really appreciate it :)

God bless you both, my dear friends...i really apreciate your help, time and understanding....though i havent completely solved my problems, but i really hope that i can pull through this ordeal...and your little help is a big effect on me, and i am grateful for that. what a difference it has made. thanks amigo~

Indecisive

2008-11-29T00:17:00.003+08:00

Frustration. Disappointments. Cluelessness. aarrrgggghhhh!!! All these are eating me inside out. i thought i can handle it all, but i guess i was wrong. things i thought were looking better but eventually brought more problems and questions again!!! my oh my...it will never end and will continue haunting me till...i duno wen.....gosh!!!

Things which i had been avoiding could not be hidden anymore...sooner or later, i will have to face it...so why not now? better for me to face it now rather than later, just a matter of time....gosh!! im filled with anxiety all over...so much thoughts and questions running through my head lately, which led me to headaches too..........*sigh* i need to make a decision quick or else more consequences will i have to bear in later times..time is running out...gosh oh gosh...i hope i can make it this time...its the hardest thing that i have ever been through and im really doubting myself this time....its costing me alot, alot of things are at stake at this point..i can't bear to lose them all...

help me to be strong. i need to build up my courage for this "race"...its all i need now...i know You will be with me....i trust in You =)

I survived!

2008-11-26T14:56:00.005+08:00

a breath of fresh air. finally i can breathe again...i survived and vowed to come back stronger this time. nothing can stop me now...no more mistakes or ignorance or negligence that can threathen my chance this time around...thanks for the support. i know You were with me. Help me to carry on.....~peace

Fingers crossed

2008-11-25T02:03:00.001+08:00

*fingers crossed* going to do something quite big today. Hope it turns out well. God be with us

Understanding

2008-11-24T14:53:00.008+08:00

~with reference to the previous post (haha...it sounds just like a formal letter opening)...i did mention on my nature of not showing my true (negative) emotions....which actually led to something i just realized recently..which is understanding. No one understands me or rather know me really well...no matter it is my family nor my closest friends...except for Him above, who knows me thoroughly more than I even know myself....

Understanding is an essential ingredient in a relationship of two persons or more. i'm not referring to just a normal boy-girl relationship, but relationships of all forms; parents-children, sibling-sibling, friend-friend, teacher-student, housemates-housemates, etc. it all requires a little bit of understanding on either parties. i really emphasis understanding here and is something i believe, is very important in everyone's life. hehe...i guess for those who followed up my blog, you can noticed that i do blog afew times on this.

the most famous or most listened phrase is always : " my father doesn't understand me!" or "my mum doesn't understand me!"..parents are always the first to be in this 'conflict of understanding'...why so? because the closer a group of people are, the higher the expectations they are from each other, in other words, they expect understanding from each other....however, the basic requirements in an understanding relationship is just a simple word : EMPATHY. being empathetic of other people helps to build up the level of understanding between two individuals or more.

i recently watched this movie :

The Ant Bully. A very cute and interesting movie and the main message in this movie is just simple : UNDERSTANDING. it tells of how the boy is being shrunk into the size of an ant and forced to live with them, which he often destroy when he was a life-sized boy. being small and force to live with those he destroy, gives him a real picture of the damage he has caused them all this while. it leads to his understanding of their lives and learn to adapt to them.

This simple movie clearly reflects on the phrase "being in their shoes", which is not just a mere saying but it is really deep in meaning. i did mention this phrase once to a friend of mine when we were discussing the issue of understanding, and the immediate response was 'oh, then i should give more to the needy and the poor.' well, it is not totally wrong, but the point that i was getting to is not just the poor and the needy, but just look at the person around you. do we understand them? our families, our friends, our classmates? we don't have to go very far and think of just the poor and the needy(im not asking you to neglect them here ah...don't misunderstood), but just take a look at the person closest to you right now. do you understand him/her? we humans have a tendency to always think that people do not understand you, but do we make the effort to understand them as well?

we often are unaware of our own mistakes, and we will somehow get angry when people points it to us or nag us for it..but do we actualy realize that we are the ones at fault here? this is a sad thing which i came across, and it often happens especially when an elder scolds us for our wrong doings, and then we will conclude that he/she does not understand us. but the whole point is, do we understand them? do we realize the mistakes we have commit? Just like the boy in that movie, do we actually learn and be aware of our actions towards the people around us? do we know how much a damage that we can cause to a friend or family member, because of our very own actions?

and all it requires is just a little mix of understanding and empathy, a pleasant blend.

so what if no one understands me? i have no worries, because i'll always have Him who is the one who understands me inside out, and that is all that matters. Praises unto Him most high =)

Emotions

2008-11-22T04:06:00.007+08:00

How do we tackle our emotions? Do we actually sit down and ponder of the emotions we are feeling at a particular moment, identify it and 'play' with it? Or are we always in a dilemma like this man in the picture, not knowing how to express our emotions, in the hopes that others may understand how we actually feel?

As the picture shows, each emotions is heading in a different direction, because (common sense) that each emotion will have different consequences on us, and also towards the people we direct it to. how we portray and express our feelings to others will affect the interaction with them, which could either 'build' the relationship or 'jeopardize' the relationship altogether. Hence, I'm sure many people would have been in this situation like this man is...not knowing what emotions or feelings to portray in response to other people...definitely, this is not easy as it is shown in the picture, where the distances are clearly written out and the direction of each emotions are pictured so well...it takes more than just those!

All that is pictured above is what actually happens in our very own section, the small space between our ears; our heads! Imagine our small little head, filled with all those emotions and feelings to choose from...hehe..

People have a tendency to not show their true colours, or rather their true emotions for alot of reasons, but the main reason is FEAR. the fear of not accepted, the fear of losing a relationship, the fear of giving a bad impression, etc. hence, they will always have a 'mind game' of thoughts, thinking and thinking of the BEST emotion to express...i emphasis again, i meant BEST, and NOT TRUE emotions to express... just so to 'look' good in other people's eyes....why i say so? because i daringly admit now, that i am one of those. i have a very very bad habit to not show my true feelings because of those fears i mentioned, and the biggest fear i always have is the fear of losing a relationship, especially friendships.

i know some of you may now think that all these while i've been 'acting', but im not. i am still who i am, just that i don't really show my true feelings...if you know me well, you will know that i seldom or rarely get angry openly at someone, although the truth is i am very angry at times... but there is always a reasone for me doing so...not just anger, but on other things as well, such as frustrations, disapointments, sadness, etc...its because i strongly believe that whatever emotions that we express, will definitely leave an impact, whether positive or negative, on the person we direct it to and around us(hahaha...some might be blur oredy at this point)... what i want to point out is, the feelings that we let out, will somehow affect the people around you..for example,when we are disapointed at something, we will usually sulk or keep silent the entire period till we feel like talking again...this will definitely affect the people around you, though you may not notice, but the people around you may also 'lose their mood' seeing you sulking or your silence may have just 'murdered' their high spirits for the day or sometimes to the extend, pressure them as well, because of the discomfort when being around you......im saying this, because i have gone through this...im speaking through experience,not just simply making up stories ah......and really i tell you, its not a nice feeling to be in.....

therefore, why do we want to limit other people of their freedom to be who they are, just because we are not feeling too well, or not being in a good mood? it is not fair...hence, it is best to just hide your emotions, especially those negative ones, and direct it instead to the positive. for example, when being angry or disgusted at something, don't just waste your time and energy of telling people how angry you are, and recalling the incident which will cause those feelings to surface; it will just make matters worse isn't it? why not try channeling them to other things that can cheer you up? isn't that much better than wasting your energy on the past?

i don't know about other people, but i really don't fancy to share my problems, discomfort or disapointments with other people, because i believe that they also have their own problems as well, so why want to burden them with yours too? maybe all you want, is to be comforted or their support, but by just letting things go and being with them is enough support to bring you back up to your feet again. no point thinking of a particular incident, and building those discomfort within you...what's the point? you are just disallowing yourself from moving on and continue to live in the past....i know it is easier said than done...been there, done that

hahahahaha...but this nature of mine;of not wanting to show my true (negative) emotions, also lead me to something else, far deeper within me.....but then, i gues i blog about it in my next post...its getting late oredy...*yawn*...~to be continued

Painful blend

2008-11-21T21:08:00.005+08:00

what a sudden change of mind and heart compared to the day. a night filled with anguish, tears and sadness. disapointments sink in, loneliness sinks even deeper...emptyness and hurt..what a painful blend...however, i can't seem to find the root of all these feelings...it may sound absurd, but i don't know the real reason for all these...the feelings just sudenlly became stronger and stronger...probably after months n months of keeping them all and swallowing them hard, i guess my heart and being just can't take it any longer and everything just burst right out.... its just such an empty night..i just felt like there is nothing within me; N.O.T.H.I.N.G...but pain and suffering..........i hope i can pull through this ordeal.....

this phrase, from the bible, kept me going....please help me to be strong..

Mary's Song of Praise

My heart praises the Lord

my soul is glad because of God my saviour,

for He has remembered me, His lowly servant!

From now on all people will call me happy,

because of the great things the Mighty God has done for me.

His name is holy;

from one generation to another

He shows mercy to those who honour Him.

He has stretched out His mighty arm

and scattered the proud with all their plans.

He has brought down mighty kings from their thrones,

and lifted up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things,

and sent the rich away with empty hands.

He has kept the promise He made to our ancestors,

and has come to the help of His servant Israel.

He has remembered to show mercy to Abraham

and to all His descendants forever!

a painful night, an aching heart..................=(

Solution

2008-11-20T15:24:00.003+08:00

A beautiful message worth sharing :

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the

distance between your knees and the floor.

The one who kneels to the Lord, can stand up to anything

Questions, questions and more questions

2008-11-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

Why do we need to follow others? Is it so difficult if we were to live alone and in our own way? Must we always have a clique or a ‘gang’ of our own to feel belong in today’s world? And if there is a clique or a ‘gang’, must we actually change our ways and our own identity just so to fit into the group and not be treated as an outcast? Can’t we just stick to our own style and identity, and still feel ‘fit’ in that ‘gang’?

So many questions…so many, so so many…..but do we have the answer…something prompted me to question myself this….(sorry ah, a bit too personal for me to describe what here)….do you feel like this as well? And don’t you feel the ‘pinch’ to really change and try to fit into a group? Is it a self-willingness to do so or force to do so just to fit into that gang? ….so many questions.. but where can I find the answer? Well I think it is all within…….

I remember a friend once told me this : “don’t bother explaining yourself to others for those who know u and like u wont bother asking but those who are not, will expect u to explain yourself for everything u do and no matter how much u explain they wont believe u even if it is true!”….this is just so deep in meaning and really is true….a person who knows you well, will not force you to change who you are, because they have already accept who you really are!

In my opinion, the biggest problem in everyone would be: ACCEPTANCE…. All the questions I put forth earlier are all linked to this 10-letter word…everyone has a small part in them that has this fear of not being accepted (some may deny, but its true…search within)…fear of not being accepted by the people around us; families, friends, society….and no matter what we do, there is always a small part of us that question : what would people think of me? How will people see me after this? Will they still treat me as their friend?....I know, some will deny these, saying that only a paranoid person will think like this, but please lah….you know your own self, there will just be times when we think of this….because I do admit, I do have these questions in my head at times…

Is NOT being accepted by someone or by a group has a big impact in our lives? How important is ‘acceptance’ in our daily lives? Must I suffer just so that I will be accepted? Will I not survive if I am all alone?

My oh my…..questions, questions and more questions…..gosh….its just never ending

Saying NO

2008-11-19T21:18:00.002+08:00

I got to learn to say NO!! This is just a two-letter word but yet, it is just so hard for me to use it…and due to my ‘stupidity’(you may say it), it got me into trouble… a lot of trouble!

I actually didn’t realize the real cause of the trouble(s) that I’ve gone through till my mum told me that…because it is really really difficult for me to say NO! Those who knew me well, may realize this…because I really have a bad habit (yeah, I considered it bad now) to be obliging to people, even though I am to suffer or to go through a lot of trouble….WHY, you may ask…. I don’t know….its just my nature….

I don’t like questioning people;

They ask me for help, I say YES!

They tell me they need help, I say YES!

They call me for help, I say YES!

They choose me to help them, I say YES!

They look for me for help, I say YES!

*Sigh*….looking back, it can be counted the number of times ‘NO’ came out of me...

It is really a part of me that I don’t really like …….. I do like helping people, because I always like the end result when I see the people I helped, feeling so happy, relieved and satisfied…but that’s the bad part (now, to me) of myself too; I just can’t bear knowing people are in trouble, or full of anxiety and I’m just not doing anything to help ease them….and if I don’t help them, they will feel disappointed and depressed…. It is very hard(I meant sakit, not keras) for me to see that happening, but yet it is ‘hurting’ me as well….and this has been proven with the trouble that I gone through lately…some may have knew about it, but some are still in the dark (haha…sorry ah for those in the dark, its not a good thing to share here lah, but if you really wana know, ask me personally la… I will be most willing to share)….

And the trouble that I gone through is seriously not a mere headache, but it was a ‘wake-up’ call, I shall say…. So many consequences that I have to bear and it really burned holes in my pockets as well as my ‘heart’ too….timing was just so ‘right’, everything just falls ‘right’ into places…things when you least imagine would happened at a bad period of time, really was a test of a lifetime….its already enough of tests that I have to go through for my studies, but what more of a ‘test of will power and strength’? Seriously, everyday is a learning process….and if the time is ‘right’, what you’ve learned, will be tested in a way you will not expect and hope for…..

There isn’t anyone to be blame, because I am at fault myself….my own obliging nature is causing me trouble and I seriously have to overcome this….anyone out there that can please teach me how to use that two-letter word? I am in urgent need…. I need to save myself……

"Weirdos?"

2008-11-19T21:11:00.001+08:00

For the past few months, I have been learning quite a lot about people’s personality and how they adapt to the environment around them. And it does indeed, been quite an interesting ride, as I really get to know of various types of people and therefore, learn to accept them as who they are. I feel that it is really important because, when we actually take the initiative to learn about a person, we will tend to understand them better. Hence, we shall not treat or rather categorized them as ‘weird’ or ‘crazy’ just because they are not the norm or in easier word, just not like us.

Isn’t it funny? we always feel that people who are not like us in actions or thinking, are weird? don’t you think that this won’t happen vice versa, whereby they, in their thinking, think that we are weird then? Hahaha…then it will be two individuals talking to each other, but calling each other weird just because they are different to their own way? Are we so normal?.... It is true, we humans, always think that we are highly above anyone else, we are better than anyone else, or we are just simply the best! That’s human nature in today’s world…. Everyone is so individualistic now, no more sharing sharing, it is just me, myself and I….which leads to the categorizing of people in our own view…at the back of our own heads, there is always a category chart of people we know or meet; e.g.: A is selfish, B is stupid, C is weird, D is bossy, etc….

That is the bad thing about human beings : categorizing people! Every individual is made unique, ok, maybe identical twins have similar physical features, but everyone has their own set of personalities that make them who they are…we tend to categorize people, just because they are different from us….but do we actually know the reason behind their behaviour? Why is A selfish? Why is B stupid?.... There is always a reason for everything whether you like it or not…I'm not suggesting that we all turn into Sherlock Holmes and look into the history of a person to find out the cause of their behaviour, but what can be done is just to learn to understand and accept them as who they are, learn to adapt to them and not just sidelined them altogether…its not fair to them as well…

Every individual has been created the way they are…and has a right to life, like anyone of us…. We have no right to categorize people, because they do not asked to be made that way…give them the opportunity to life as well…they are also humans as we are.. learn to live with it! Life would be more colourful then

Im back!!

2008-11-18T15:30:00.002+08:00

Phew.....two weeks of anxiety...finally over....relief? definitely, but not for long.....things have to go back to normal...meaning work has to continue, and even more now....gosh! hope i can finish it up soon....hmmm......will be back for more post people....

p/s: so happy to finally get to go online again!! yay!!!

~just dropping by

2008-11-12T12:26:00.003+08:00

wah been ages since i last blogged.....well many reasons to it...but the main reason was : I WAS OUT OF THE INTERNET!! huhuhu.....didnt get to be online lately....due to exams as well as to the inconvenience of looking for a wifi spot...wakaka...

anyhow, im just dropping by here to just keep my blog alive...haha....
alot of things happened..ALOT man!!..but then,no time for me to blog it out here and now...as im rushing for time right now....lol..will do soon..anyhow...all the best for those who are still in their exams (which includes me...hehe)...take care and constantly pray for His grace.....~adios

Honour thy parents =)

2008-10-31T22:56:00.003+08:00

Honour thy father and thy mother

This is one of the most important commanmends given to us from above. Our parents are just the greatest gift of all from above. it is through them that we have life, we are brought into this world, we are where we are today and we are who we are today. they mould us, teach us, guide us, etc. no matter whatever form we end up to be, how 'bad-shaped' we end up, how ill-mannered or how sinful we are, one thing is for sure, they will still love us unconditionally.

Eventhough at times our parents may nag us, or criticize us, or the most famous one : giving long-winded lectures...however so, they are just the persons that we can always cling on to whenever the whole world is against us. they will always be ready to open their arms, and accept us lovingly and forgivingly whenever we go back home, without thinking of whatever past sins or wrong doings that we had committed...their love and trust surpasses all...

all their nagging and lectures were just for our own good....although to us, it may just be a waste of time because we always think that we know more than them, we know what is the 'in' thing today and so forth...however, put yourself in their shoes...all they want is to make sure their child is safe, healthy, doing well, eating well, and nothing more....just like our gadgets(like handphones la, PDA, MP3,etc) which are just like treasures to us, its the same for them too, for a child is like a treasure to them..given from above....the greatest treasure anyone could receive...we will always take care of our gadgets, downloading it with the latest stuff, the same thing goes for parents...taking extra care of their child and constantly advising them of the 'world out there'.....we may not know the true feeling of a parent till we are one, but i can tell that it is just the greatest feeling anyone could have....

don't take your parents for granted...they make not show it on their faces or in their actions but in their hearts, the love that they have for their child is just tremendous....do not dissapoint them, they had gone through thick and thin to make u what you are today, and now is the time that we get to repay whatever that they have done for us...love and honor thy parents. they are just the greatest gift from Him.....God bless all parents =)

p/s: will post up my parents picture soon...hehe....

e.m.p.t.y.

2008-10-28T23:34:00.004+08:00

Empty....empty..empty......duno why or how or when this feeling came about....i just felt empty... no mood or drive at all to do anything..i jus stare straight into my monitor screen and my fingers just type aimlessly (sounds so sad isnt it?....lol) ...haiah....dunoler.....its just so empty.....its not the surroundings of where i am, but its just within me....there is nothing....a deep sense of emptiness...duno its a good thing or a bad thing....gosh....:-S

The ugly side of human nature - part 3

2008-10-24T09:48:00.002+08:00

the human is such a beautiful creature, created by God..but somehow, the ugly nature of that human tends to pollute the beauty of this creation...and my oh my...i just can't stand pretentious people!! Goodness gracious....why must you people pretend to be who you are not? is it so important that we have to really look and act like so "goody-goody" in front of other people just so that they may think that you are the best and most sophisticated people on earth? ...

wah...memang tak boleh tahan people who are like that....im not sure bout other people's thinking, but to me (sorry, this may sound pretty harsh...but this is my opinion), they are just hypocrites... trying to be someone they are not just so that they can be in the good book of that particular person they are trying to impress.....it does not just apply to the working world, where you have to impress your boss and so forth, however, in just normal friendships and relationships, this kind of thing too occur....why is there such a need to pretend to be someone you are not? that is not honesty, all those acts is just a lie! Don't you all feel a burden, where you have to act to be a "goody-goody" person? padahal, when in front of other people....gosh....your true colours shine!! please la....my patience has its own limit too...i may be silent at times, watching your 'act', but please, don't test my patience...

please, be who you are...everyone is unique in their own special way...God made us this way and he made us all so beautiful in our own way.... so if you are pretending to be who you are not, then its just merely an insult to the whole creation of you!! just be who you are...people will be more willing to accept the real you, rather than a 'pretentious' you...wake up, you pretenders!! No more sleeping and acting.....You are who you are! be grateful for that!

Nothing is impossible!

2008-10-23T22:37:00.003+08:00

A beautiful message from an email i received :

When someone tells you that you can't do something...

Look around

Consider all options

then GO for it!

Use all the things GOD gave you!

Be creative!

In the end, you will succeed and prove them wrong!

Always remember :

'Nothing is impossible, if your heart is willing'

Good, Old, Lasting Wonderful Memories

2008-10-22T15:06:00.006+08:00

i was just browsing through my pictures and was just reminiscing those good old memories that just light up my day.....they just got me laughing when looking at those pictures...remembering those fun times, joking, 'crapping',making fun of one another, etc......lol.....

Kathleen's post-birthday dinner gathering

with suit yan...looking so happily at the food served

The food that we all ordered....yummy

The class field visit to Malaysia Milk Sdn. Bhd. (Vitagen and Marigold production house)

haha....before entering the factory...everyone had to put on their 'turbans'

we love our tummy....and "Miss Rani"(the one squatting) acting macho....lol....

The Microbial Annual Class Trip cum Hari Raya Gathering at Sg. Gabai, Hulu Langat

The microbe girls before the hike to the desired spot....

On the way up the hill....took a break and took a picture too...lol....look at our tired faces...

Filling our tummies before we all get wet...so much food...lol

picture time at the waterfalls

peace....we just love the waters....and the rocks...

All in all, everything was just fun fun and fun....really miss those times.....God bless the inventor of cameras to enable us to keep all these wonderful memories....friends forever =)

One after another

2008-10-21T15:46:00.003+08:00

Gosh..these few days had been so so terrible...so many things happened..again!!....i don't know if i should count myself 'lucky' or 'unlucky', because things that i do, will always be 'caught' by someone, even though im not the first who did those things.....haiah......what to do? me n my friend had always been the scape goat for people all this while....one after another.....never free from all the clutches of authority, rules and regulations...though we are NOT the first who do this kind of thing....other people have also done the same, its just that they were never caught at all...either they are just plain lucky or im just plain stupid???

i admit my fault...its a risk that i took, and i have to pay the price.....but for how long?? im speechless....things just kept happening...one after another...im so tired of being put in the dark, questioning what will happen to me n my friend?...what will befall towards us?...what are the consequences?....how long is this ordeal?.....gosh! its eating me inside out...and seriously, this is the least of the times that i would want myself to get into any trouble...i cant afford to waste anymore time on this......other things are as important to me as well...but how to focus? its nt as easy as it sounds....my lips may say that it will all be fine..but my heart is telling me otherwise...who should i listen to? gosh................one after another..........

one after another.........now i have to start from a scratch.....i hope i still have the time and energy and hype to go through this as how i used to have it....i cant find it anymore within me, im losing it......oh gosh.....its just the worse time for anything more to happen....

help me to be strong....im doubting if i can ever pull through this dark period.....its killing me....You are my only hope..........help me to stand up once again!

101%

2008-10-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

something worth sharing which i got from a forwarded email :

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If: H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN,

look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close,

and Attitude will get you there,

It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Empty

2008-10-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

i followed my lecturer today to her church, True Jesus Church at Jalan Templer. she was asking me and my coursemates to follow her there since the afternoon, so we gave in to her...i admit, i was doubtful at first because i don't really want to engage in religious stuff other than my own religion, but part of me would want to discover other religions and see how different they are from my own...

after persuading my coursemates to come along, we finally gathered together (5 of us in total) and waited for our lecturer to come pick us up, as she had told us too. we were all anxious, worried of what to expect, thinking of how to interact with our lecturer along the journey there, etc. its such a funny situation among us....then she arrived!! zoom...came a red Honda City!..and we headed off....

we arrived at the place after about 20 minutes journey. The church was a small, little, nice and comfy, air-conditioned church, with pews and a raised platform with what looks like an altar. then i looked around, and i noticed, there wasnt a single cross at all. no indications that it is a church, apart from the signboard at the entrance...but i adore the flowers, they were just so beautiful. the people there were friendly and welcoming, thought they were full of warmth, i was freezing cold by the air-conditioned...hehehe.......

it started off with a hymn, then a few introductory speech by their members and then the pastor came to preach. he preach about : the truth! it is a very subjective matter and it is a word with various meanings, depending on how you look at it. He was speaking on life and death, the God who is our Creator and also on getting to know your God. all in all, i think it is a good preaching, however, on a personal opinion, i think that it was a little too general, it was 'surface waters' and didnt really got into the 'deep waters'...i felt that something was missing : GOD. though he was speaking and preaching about God, i felt empty...i felt as if it was just a talk, a normal lecture and wasnt really preaching about God. I didnt feel it....no ummpph (as my friend once said)

then after the preaching, was a choir performance from a group from Sabah. their voices were just beautiful, melodiously singing and praising God. then it came to a prayer session. i was anticipated because i would actually like to see how they pray....and true enough, they were diferent. They were speaking in tongues (i think so lar..cause it sounded like that) and it frightened my two friends who witnessed these for the very first time. it bring back memories of my own feelings when i was in their shoes long ago....the service then ended and supper was served!

in summary, the whole experience was something new and different. i get to witnessed people of almost the same faith, worshipping God in their very own way. its nice to see the diversity of 'woshipping methods', but one thing in common : we are all worshiping God because He is just the mightiest and greatest for all generations, and deserved of all praises...However, do not worry (especially my dad). I am still a CATHOLIC and will forever be. I am and will be standing strong and firm to my faith and nothing will ever changed my stand! Alleluia! Praise the Lord! I am glad to be a CATHOLIC!!

p/s: this post is just a personal opinion of mine. if i hurt anyone, sorry, it is unintentionally. don't take it to heart =)

Karma karma karma!

2008-10-14T21:05:00.003+08:00

Karma kArma kaRMA....haiah...why must it happen? why must it be so? our whole life is forever revolving around karma..unbelievable? but it is true...so much things that have proven the occurence of karma in my very own life and the people around me...but i still repeat it....ish....why la? haiah....i've learnt, to never say anything if i don't know what to say, because it will just come back to you and haunt you even more........haiah....karma, why can't you just leave me? why must you always be a part of my life? .....adui.....*sigh*....fingers crossed :-S

The Weekend =)

2008-10-13T23:04:00.001+08:00

SaTurDay : 11th OcTobEr

The weekend...started off on a very good thing...what could be better than food!! haha...carol and kean ni took me for a dim sum buffet!! woo hoo..i repeat, it is a Dim Sum Buffet at Opulent Court of Pearl International Hotel. it is only available on Fridays (11.30am-2pm) and Saturdays - Sundays and Public Holidays (9am-2pm), for rm 27.80 nett per person (drinks not included, though)....hehe...tengah promoting pulak...hehe.... the dim sum was good..there were alot of varieties, 80 to be exact, which includes cheese baked mussels, baby octopus, egg tarts, salad prawns, prawn dumplings (har kau), meat dumplings (siew mai), congee, chee cheong fun, desserts and many many more....hmm...listing down aso makes my tummy grumble oredy...

hehe...its just good food, and i recommend you to go and try them out...and of course, we ate and ate and ate till we really drop...hehe...just continue to feed ourselves with the dim sum and desserts, one after another....we sat there for 3hours plus! hahahaha..people come and go, but we were still there enjoying our food...a must try for dim sum lovers =)

good dim sum!

The large prawn in the dim sum...yummy!

carol and keanni...after we 'stuff' ourselves for 3hours ++

SuNdaY : 12th OcTobEr
The next day...we headed off to GENTING HIGHLANDS!! woo hoo...it was a trip suggested by Deanna; in conjunction with her birthday as well...the five of us; Deanna, Calista, Carol, Keanni and myself took the public transport up there just for a day trip.. we didn't really intended for the theme park, as it was a Sunday and the crowd was just huge...hence, we decided to just 'invest'...my first time i shall say into the big investment hall...bling bling here and there, lights shining brightly from the chandelier above, all kinds of sound..ka-ching....hehehe....it was just like in the tv!...hehe....it was fun to be there and to invest too...the thrill and excitement of each rounds, really gets you all pumped up and excited, wanting to be involved one round after another, with the hopes for the better...

but definitely, there is always a limit to all these...don't be an addict, it can affect your whole life altogether...no point wasting your whole life on investing like this.....though it brings you fun and excitement, but its merely a short term feeling...long term is unguaranteed....take heed people, there is more to life than just this...hehe

then as usual lah, we all have natural talents in camwhore!..its just pictures pictures and more pictures even with the slightest opportunity available...

posing posing with Dr. Lee

haha....acting acting pulak with calista

All in all, thanks to all of you for such an enjoyable weekend. i shall cherish these wonderful memories. we shall hang out again. there will be more to come...hehe...God bless you all =)

clockwise from top left : keanni, carol, calista, deanna, me!

Innocence

2008-10-10T23:45:00.001+08:00

Look at what i just witnessed! hehe...

eyes wide open....notice the fish bones in the second shoe??

i was speechless when i saw this. the cat was eating right out of a shoe!! goodness!! it happen to my floormate's shoes....at first i was feeling 'geli' to see...then it became a sympathy feeling towards the owner of the shoe..but soon, it became funny..hahahaha...

the cat was just so innocent..when i went nearer to capture these pictures, it just look at me with its big round eyes, "miaow" a few times at me, then continue to do what it was doing...it is just such an innocent creature...without knowing right or wrong, all it wants was to have its food and nothing else...not knowing that it is a shoe or bothering anything around it..it just continue to have its meal, fulfilling its needs...janji perut kenyang! bolehlah..hehe

cats were always roaming around on my floor's corridor; and even once, there was a cat that sneaked into my room and shocked both me and my roommate! haha....though they meant no harm, but people have a perception that it is a filthy and dirty animal! i admit, i do feel that too...however, the only thing that cats want is just FOOD! you feed it, both parties are happy...you are happy cause you fed it, the cat is happy cause it is being fed! easy to say, but so many times they are just sad-neglected-innocent creatures... but they also have the right to be treated well...they are also part of the 'creation plan'...they deserve the right to live just like anyone else
...just like you do not want to be treated badly, so does cats...they have feelings too, just that they can't really talk in a language understood by all, only through their actions...actions speak louder than words! hehe...love thy animals, they are gifts from above too =)...this came to mind sudenlly:

whoever rejects you, rejects me; and whoever rejects me, rejects the one who sent me

Luke 10 : 16

p/s: told you liao...the bible speaks in mysterious ways...this phrase came to mind as i wanted to end this blog...hehe

LOVE...what's with it?

2008-10-07T23:56:00.003+08:00

Love, lOve, loVe, lovE, LOVE.....what's with it?? my life has been revolving in this issue for these past few days....is it a sign or something else? or am i being too sensitive lately?? gosh....guide me, somebody....

well, first it started with the movie Painted Skin, a chinese language movie acted by the still-macho Donnie Yen. i went into the cinema hall, not having a single clue at all bout this movie...NOT a single clue at all...only when i saw the poster at the cinema only i came to know that it is a chinese movie in the olden days era during war....at my first impression when the movie started was like "gone la, another violent movie; slashing n killing n conquering again. what have i gotten myself into?"...hahaha...but as the movie slowly revolves, my whole perception changed.. it was a very interesting storyline altogether, something unexpected and different, yet such a beautiful story...it brought my sister to tears, and i almost shed too...(haha, those who knows me well knows that its hard for me to cry in movies wan...so u can imagine how big an impact this movie was)....the movie was just based on a simple theme : LOVE! it taught me how beautiful love is and the everything that comes with love; the sacrifices, the give-and-take, the willingness to do anything for the loved ones,etc. i was touched. Love was made into such a beautiful and wonderful thing that will prevail till the end and nothing else. Love conquers all.

then, after a few days...my past haunted me! it 'haunted' me in a very strange way, because the presence of that person disturbed me badly..in a way that it brought back the hatred and the anguish i felt long ago...all the "love" (of a friendship) was totally lost and gone by the hatred and anger that i felt in my past ....i was feeling uncomfortable after the encounter...i kept thinking and questioning about what had happen last time...i was trying so hard to ignore and avoid my past all these times, but with just one encounter, everything tumbled and crashed....haiah....but by the grace of God, i manage to talk about it to a friend and now i continue to stand firm of myself...goodbye, my past! i don't want to be in the past anymore.it hurts too badly...Love of God conquers all.

just now, i attended the annual Pesta Tanglung UM, held at the famous Dewan Tunku Canselor.

the ticket which cost rm9!

The turnout was good, the hall was jammed pack with people...it was a teater with dancing and singing in between, not really a full musical la....but the music, dancing n acting was good...everyone was really at their best to really show off their talents within...though the storyline was typical, but it had the simplest theme : LOVE....the love story was the typical 'love-story type'; girl and boy love each other, father object, arguments, etc etc (u know la what will happen in the end)....but it is told in a significant way, simple yet (i believe) manage to get the message across...the message was simple : love conquers all and we should cherish our loved ones and to be faithful to them. Love conquers all.

through all this experiences, they have all taught me that love is just the greatest gift of all. It is always among us...in our relationship with one another; family members, friends, lovers, neighbours,etc...but the problem is, people always like to take love for granted...never wanting to cherish the love that is already there, but trying to seek love in other places, while giving all kinds of excuses....but that is because, people will still be people...they only will believe in visible things; things that they can SEE with their naked eye...and definitely, i admit, love is something not everyone can "see"...its always there, but we somehow fail to 'see' it, and therefore we assumed that it is lost in our lives.....but can we 'see' it actually? of course, it is everywhere!

Love is just about everything. without love, there will never be life. Love conquers all. Alleluia!

Our cross

2008-10-04T15:09:00.004+08:00

This is something beautiful i got in an email recently and its worth sharing it :

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine, after the rain ....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall,

But God's always ready, To answer your call ...

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,

A word from His lips, can calm every fear ...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,

But suddenly vanish, in dawn's early light ...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,

To give you His grace, and send you His love...

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,

'God always sends rainbows .... after the rain ... '

To get out of difficulty, one must usually go through it!

How many times are we caught in this kind of situation? after much struggles in bearing our burdens (the cross), we are hoping for a reward at the end, in any form whatsoever...however, our hopes were short lift and we were left disappointed, just like the figures above showed.....at that point, you just feel like the whole world is against you, no one is there and you are just standing all alone, no one understands you, no one is willing to listen to you, no one who you can trust to just burst it all out..the anguish, the misery, the heartache, the sufferings, the anxiety within, the doubts, the fear, the insecurity, the troubling heart and mind.....i still remember that feeling; been there, done that...

but then, over and over again, i always remind myself that He is always with us no matter what...we are not alone, He is always there....all He wished from us is our total trust in Him and He will do the rest..He will not reject us nor forget us...Alleluia! Praise Him most High =)

Joy and Simplicity

2008-10-03T15:15:00.006+08:00

hmm...the joy of cooking....i jus lurve to cook....wakakaka...this may seem shocking to some, but i do like cooking...and today i fix my own simple lunch...

Instant noodles + cheese omelette + barley drink

once i get the chance, everything also i would want to try to cook....the omelette was a first time try out for me, as i wanted to try something new...and i was happy with the turn out...yay! a new dish at last...wakaka....instant noodles was not bad either, improved from previous times...erm...barley not my work la, my sister boiled it in the morning..hehehehhe

although its just a simple meal, but i enjoy the process of it all...to prepare the ingredients; chop chop chop, wash wash wash, mix mix mix, cook cook cook....tadaa....lunch is served!

At the end of it all, it is just so satisfying to actually prepare something for my own self and enjoying it! yipee...the joy of cooking....hehehe...im sure looking forward for more chances in future...hmm....can life be so satisfying, so simple and so joyful like this?? a question to ponder....hmmm......

p/s : hunting for new recipes oredy....lol....

Faithful Devotion

2008-10-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

October marks one of the most important month in the Catholic calendar. it is one of the months of faithful devotion to our Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother.

The month of the rosary is a month of sacred devotion to the most beautiful person on earth. Her faithfulness to God on High is something that all of us are seriously lacking in our daily lives. let us learn from Mary and constantly pray for her guidance to our heavenly Father. God bless us all.

Anger

2008-10-01T23:15:00.001+08:00

a phrase, i saw a few weeks back, came to my mind :

anger is a letter short of danger

when i first saw this phrase, i totally like it...it is true...because it shows how anger is so closely related to danger, though just a letter short, but deep in meaning....

i heard of so many stories since i came back home for the raya break...alot of stories about people around us, about unexpected situations and happenings that took place, be it positive or negative.....and mostly i can say, is related to anger! Anger is caused by so many sources..words, actions, thoughts, etc....everything is vulnerable to anger.....a slight disturbance can create such a great extend of anger within oneself and if uncontrollable, it will lead to danger in various forms...

An angry feeling can be provoked by so many situations....stubborn-ness, disbelieve in others, unwilling to open up to others, etc...

Is being angry a sin? i'm not too sure about that, but then i think it all depends on what form of anger is it; where does it lead us to; to the better or to the worse? does this anger make us wanna bomb the entire world or does it motivates us to be a better person and to improve ourself? the latter is definitely not a sin as it helps us to grow to be a better person, but it is the former that worries us all.....an anger that is directed towards the negative aspect will lead to very undesirable circumstances, either towards that person itself or towards the people around them...and worse stil, when it affects everyone in his/her vicinity..oh my! i just cant imagine what will happen then...

however, always remember that everybody cannot please everybody...because everybody is just so different from one another...so its no use to waste your anger and be judgemental, because at the end of the day, it is God above who has the right to judge everything...just be strong and constantly pray, God will do the rest....please be with him...he has gone through alot...i don't want him to be hurt anymore......

Appreciate Your Life

2008-09-29T01:48:00.002+08:00

This poster that i received from an email reminds me of what i read in the bible recently :

"be grateful for every year you live. No matter how long you live, remember that you wil be dead much longer. there is nothing at all to look forward to." Ecc 11 : 8

This is another verse in the bible which got me giggling again....it hit jackpot once again...the bible is really speaking to us and every word that comes out of it is a true reflection of our lives...so live by it. God speaks to us....=)

Freedom taste so sweeeeetttt....

2008-09-28T05:11:00.001+08:00

wow...the taste of freedom....so sweeeetttt, a feeling can't really be described...its as though we were all caught in jail and now, finally release from it and got the taste of life back again.... haha...finally we are all free from our cage, our commitments, our stress and problems..for now that is....but its really a moment we all cherished after months n months of struggles and distress....and definitely, we CELEBRATED!!!

With the girls at Green Box karaoke

Friday, the 26th : Once we cleared our bench, we headed out for Sg.Wang for karaoke!! woo hoo...the last time i went for karaoke was like two years back (phew...that was long) hehe....we just sang our hearts out, really a way to de-stress and release everything that has been bothering us all this while...haha...even SooTein was addicted to karaoke now....hehe....then after that, we went jalan jalan in Sg.Wang...its been ages since we hang out together like this...seriously, im not exaggerating here, it really has been that long....almost two months oredy cause everyone is just so caught up with work.....haha...it was a shopping spree for laikuan and sootein...it was so funny to see them feeling so happy to buy something new for themselves.....lol....

With Shaun at the entrance of Monash University

Saturday, the 27th : I went out with Shaun and Isaac to Monash University for their Catholic Society's annual student mass...we were invited there by Ronald, an old time friend of Shaun and mine, too.....i was really speechless when i saw the place...everything was just so nice; the building, the infrastructure, the auditorium, the cafeteria....my gosh!! it is just the total opposite of where i am studying....haha, but then i shouldnt compare la between private and public universities...its memang different..i just have to count my blessings for where i am now....well, the mass went on very well, i shall say...quite a good turn out i admit, mostly comprising of Lifeline CKK members..and a wonderful homily by Fr. Larry too..it did provoke a few things within me (i will share that in my next post la...hehe )...dinner was provided and we just interacted with the people there, get to know them....they were really friendly and nice people....God bless you all

In the car after mass, heading for Sunway Pyramid

Next, we headed for Sunway Pyramid for movie, since the night was still young and we don't know what to do...hehe.....we manage to be in time to catch the movie "Mama Mia"...it was really nice and funny...a musical movie, totally featuring songs by ABBA...it was really a revive of the oldies as the songs were just so nice and fit so well into the movie...i was laughing so much throughout the movie...a movie that i recommend for all...a good one =)....hehe....Then, we three headed for supper after the movie at ss2...hehe...since me and Shaun wont be in uni for a week due to raya holidays, so we just decided to hang out la for the night...so we just settled down in one of the shops and sit and drink and eat and just talk n talk....hahahaha.....catching up with one another, sharing thoughts and stories...hehehe....

well, looking back at all these...it was a real breather for me, a break which was really necessary for me to arrange my things or rather my life, back to where it used to be...i was 'lost' for a period of time, caught up with so many things; joys, sufferings, tensions, frustrations, depressions...everything was really getting into me, until it reaches to a point where it was eating me inside out...so great an extend that it affected me not just physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually...hahaha...though i tried to hide it, but i guess it showed cause people do noticed the change in me recently......there was a great struggle within me, so much was going through me; my mind..things were not working as it was suppose to, everything just went wrong...i was in a turmoil of my own.....

to just go out and hang out with my friends once again was just a feeling so nice, so serene..haha im nt exaggerating (once again, i stress it)...if you are in my shoes, you wil understand what im going through or had gone through....its just so nice to just go out and enjoy the company of friends without any worries or limitations, their presence is just enough to build you up....to talk, share or chitchat with them is enough to uplift you, to know that you are not in this alone and friends are always there to support you...God bless you all, for being who you are and thanks for just being there....i really appreciate it =)

seriously, i am just so grateful for this one week break as it gives me the opportunity to sit back, and reorganize my life all over again.....though it may not be so simple as yet, but im taking it one step at a time, and im really praying for His grace and wisdom to help me pull through......i doubt if i can ever do it, but i know He will be there for me...He has been all these while....*^-^*

The bible is funny...hehe.....

2008-09-26T23:17:00.003+08:00

hahaha...i was just reading the bible for today and a line that i read tickled my bones...haha...i was laughing when i read that verse. it goes like this :

"He has set the right time for everything. He has given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does." Ec 3 : 11

Hahaha...this is really so true....He certainly has a plan for everything that is happening, and all we have to do is just to trust in His plan, cause definitely He knows what is best for us all...however, we do admit at times we questioned Him and doubted in Him...but its all because we do not understand Him well enough to know what He is actually doing, thats why sometimes we come to a point when we just aren't satisfied with our own lives.......

hahahahaha...when i read this line, i was really laughing, because it really hit jackpot!! He sure works and speaks in mysterious ways to us...we just have to be patient and He will reveal it to us...He is always there. Trust in Him =)

p/s: lol....still laughing......

Finally...

2008-09-26T00:11:00.004+08:00

phew..what relief to finally finished up the last piece of assignment before i head on for the raya break.....finally, after being fluorished non stop with assignments, reports and tests, finally i can sit back and breathe....haiah, the one week break is not just for me to rest and relax, but to catch up on things which i left behind....have been slacking alot these past few weeks and months as i was too caught up with things....gosh! sad man!... i need to start liao lo.....before it is too late....bye people.....

p/s : happy holidays to my fellow friends and selamat hari raya aidilfitri to all Muslimin and Musliman...hehe...=)

Miracle

2008-09-25T16:08:00.008+08:00

Life hasn't been really kind to me lately....rather a rough and a full-of-big-waves journey...so many things happen....stress, tension, pressure.....more downs than ups....phew...till i had a massive outbreak of pimple!!! my gosh! i myself got shocked when i woke up one morning and looked at myself in the mirror! horror man!!!.....adui....

but then, last night, my friend send me sumthing which totally made my day...it just lifted me up when i saw it....it just washed away all the problems or tensions that i faced ever since i turned a

year older....its just a simple piece but it carries with it such a beautiful message...

and what make it even more meaningful was when i saw the date....(this is actually a poster of an activity of CSSUCSI - the small print there says : There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle)...it was as though the miracle happened on that day which was actually my big day!! A miracle happen when i was born!! wow! how wonderful is that....im so flattered and blessed at this moment! Everything in life is really a miracle.

Life itself is indeed a miracle from above! All praise, glory and honour to Him for His miraculous gift of life.... You are just so great =)

Why People Just Don't Understand?????

2008-09-21T16:11:00.004+08:00

WHY? Why? wHy? whY?????? why people can just be so hurtful at times.."the tongue is mightier than the sword" is really true..a simple line can be a joke to some but can mean alot to others......people jus always like to say things without thinking...judging without even bothering to find out the real matter...questioning things bout me which i don't even dare to question my own......what right have you got??? God gave you mouth and the gift of speech, so please do not misuse it...its just a waste of His gift then........
.........please leave me alone...i really can't take it anymore...the stress from studies and the people around me is really killing me....the least you can do is to just keep quiet and let me do what i am supposed to do.....don't judge me for you know nothing, He knows everything.......help me to be strong! You are my only hope...i trust in You

Celebrating 22 years of life

2008-09-21T11:40:00.010+08:00

I'm very blessed to be able to share my 'growing-old process' with so many people and thanks to them all for such wonderful memories. God bless you all =)....

Birthday celebration at home on 13th september 2008 :

at home with my family and my ice-cream cake...yummy

p/s : spectacles are from my parents..haha....make me look intelectual rite? wakaka

with my mum... and my dad....siap posing sumore...

Birthday lunch with coursemates at Korean House, SS2 :
Thanks guys....

Birthday dinner with family and friends at Sushi Zanmai, The Gardens :

my eldest sister, Michelle and my bro-in-law George

my second sister,Maureen and Elson

With my two sisters....im the tallest...wakaka

with my 'wacky' friends...clockwise from left : isaac, fongyin, carol, calista & shaun ...thanks for coming

presents : before and after......thank you everyone.....

A review of 21 years of life

2008-09-20T23:47:00.002+08:00

21 years!! hmmm....that's long huh...but in a way, that is only the starting age for many more things to come in life...its like life is just at the point of beginning...converging into so many directions, which just aim at confusing us to which path to follow.....life oh life...why is it like that?

21 years of life was certainly not a smooth going process or period...there were certainly many ups and downs, which i gues everyone has to go through...its part and parcel of life ;)...hmm...i would like to walk down memory lane....but where to start ah? ...hahaha....hmmm....start frm uni life or schooling life..or start rite from my mother's womb? hahahahaha......well then, i think i shall start at the point when i think "life" starts for me.....my late teen years...

late teen was when i was in Form 6...its a long time ago, but i belief tat was the beginning of it all...everything....from studies, to friends to just about anything.....studies in Form 6 was superly not easy at all, and friends were there to help you and also to break you...friendship was an important factor then, because they are the ones that can help u pull through this difficult yet important period....however, they can be the ones who 'break' you during this period....and that was what i went through....i felt alone then....though i may seem happy-go-lucky, but deep inside of me, was the opposite of it all....the pressure from friends plus the criticism....my gosh!! to think back, i just don't know what make me pull through....but i believe that my family being there is a strong base and reason for me being able to be strong and go all out and proof them (friends) wrong!...and i did it...and that is why i am where i am now!

university.....gosh! this is really a stepping stone to life....no more going back home to relax and de-stress...im totally in this all alone....and my family are supporting right from the back, back at home...some 120km away or so...im all alone in this fiercely competiting world!! arrgghhh.....can i make it? hmmm..... met so many people, all different in their own way, unique they may be.....went through so many situations which change me inside out...stress, tension, pressure...all also felt before....sadness, joy, laughter, tears....everything aso happened....uni life is certainly a training ground for the real world outside...the different people that we will meet and work with, the situations that you have to deal in your work, the stress and tension in the workplace....its just so similar.......

friends...hmmm...so much i can talk about of the friends that i meet in uni....friendly, kind, self-centered, selfish, helpfull, kia-su, proud, competitive, narcississtic....my gosh, all types of people i encountered....it does is stressful when encountering them, but somehow, it help me to be stronger and prepared to face anyone that comes my way in near future....being with them also helps me see myself more, parts of me which i never knew existed....and throughout the friendships that i've make, i think the most important is UNDERSTANDING of one another....if we are able to understand the people around us, life is much more easier...no more miscommunication, no more arguments, criticism,etc....because 'everybody can't please everybody!'....all we need to do is just to understand this tag line, and things will be much more easier....but then........

haiah.....21 years of ups and downs....changed me inside out....spiritually and emotionally as well....i've begin to see that everything is His plan...all we have to do is to be patient with Him and he will definitely guide you.....life has to go on.....

goodbye 21, welcome 22.......hope you don't disapoint me! i'm looking forward to you....=)