Truth
you know how it feels when you are at the cross roads, and don't really know which road to choose? well, that's not what i am going through actually..haha...its even worse than that... i am rather at a "dead end"...where you know the end is deadly.....
it is really difficult to not think of this end considering the fact that everything that happens around me is contributing to that fact and realization. and yet, i always tell myself, "the beginning is always the toughest, the beginning is always the toughest..." on and on again all just to comfort myself that i am on the right track and there is no deadly end somehow.... this is really not my usual self because (for those who knows me well) i am always a person who is very sure of what i really want and thinking positive even in the darkest hour. but now, this hurdle is really not an easy one for me. i also do not deny the possibility that the devil is tempting me at this point of life since it is also the Lenten season...or wait? maybe it is......hmm........i don't know...
i really am doubtful whether i have the enough strength to go against the devil and choose the truth? oh God, this is the cross that i have to bear this Lent, i think.......
something was shedding light on me the couple of days ago and still is. something which the priest shared with me and i believe it has changed me one way or another of my current actions/ reactions. He told me, "when there is option between the lies and truth, choose the truth so that you can live in the light. although the truth may caused you problems, but believe that it will set you free, just as how Jesus admit that He is the Son of God, although He had the opportunity to deny that fact when he was questioned by Pilate"... that was the exact words the priest told me and it really strikes me deep within...... what have i been doing? i have drown myself so much in lies and deceit (yes, its as awful as it sounds and i admit it) and it is really eating me inside out.... and i feel that it is the time to finally speak the truth although the truth may hurt. and i experienced it. when i spoke the truth, i really felt heart ache (not joking, real experience) and was trembling in fear. maybe all because i was afraid of the consequences. which was as what i expected...i was sidelined, not accepted and being made an enemy for it.....such an ugly experience, but it the end, at least i spoke the truth and not hide like the rest does..... it is really very difficult but i'll take it one step at a time till i reach the full truth. So help me God.
it is really difficult to not think of this end considering the fact that everything that happens around me is contributing to that fact and realization. and yet, i always tell myself, "the beginning is always the toughest, the beginning is always the toughest..." on and on again all just to comfort myself that i am on the right track and there is no deadly end somehow.... this is really not my usual self because (for those who knows me well) i am always a person who is very sure of what i really want and thinking positive even in the darkest hour. but now, this hurdle is really not an easy one for me. i also do not deny the possibility that the devil is tempting me at this point of life since it is also the Lenten season...or wait? maybe it is......hmm........i don't know...
i really am doubtful whether i have the enough strength to go against the devil and choose the truth? oh God, this is the cross that i have to bear this Lent, i think.......
something was shedding light on me the couple of days ago and still is. something which the priest shared with me and i believe it has changed me one way or another of my current actions/ reactions. He told me, "when there is option between the lies and truth, choose the truth so that you can live in the light. although the truth may caused you problems, but believe that it will set you free, just as how Jesus admit that He is the Son of God, although He had the opportunity to deny that fact when he was questioned by Pilate"... that was the exact words the priest told me and it really strikes me deep within...... what have i been doing? i have drown myself so much in lies and deceit (yes, its as awful as it sounds and i admit it) and it is really eating me inside out.... and i feel that it is the time to finally speak the truth although the truth may hurt. and i experienced it. when i spoke the truth, i really felt heart ache (not joking, real experience) and was trembling in fear. maybe all because i was afraid of the consequences. which was as what i expected...i was sidelined, not accepted and being made an enemy for it.....such an ugly experience, but it the end, at least i spoke the truth and not hide like the rest does..... it is really very difficult but i'll take it one step at a time till i reach the full truth. So help me God.
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