Broken. Pain. Hurt. The end is coming....

 It's been more than a year since I penned down my words...and it feels different coming back here again to write..

The whole reason I started blogging and started this blog was basically to share my thoughts and everything that is going on with me...you may think that's what blogs are all about.. but in actual fact, let me reveal something today..the REAL reason I started blogging is because I do not have anyone or rather just one friend that I can speak to just about anything and everything, the kind of friend that you can just confide with whenever and whatever to.. I do not have such a person in my life.. It is totally different from a sibling or a family member, it is just someone else who has known the most part of your life that you can just share everything and be you, no judgement.. I do not have such a person... therefore, I truly envy those of you who have such a person in your life.. I do not. and therefore, my blog is the only platform that I am able to say anything and everything.. whether if there is anyone who reads it, I will just penned my thoughts. 

And yes, if those of you who personally know me, you will think I am such a friendly person, I know so many people, I have so many friends, I am a jovial, cheerful person...but deep down, I do not have just that one close friend. I do not. 

I know if I ever do approach any of my friends, they will be there to listen..but it is not my nature to approach anyone, just because I know they are also battling their own battles so why should I trouble them further with mine.. I would rather just suffer and battle everything on my own..

I know it sounds silly but that's just how I am. I always put up a brave front, a jovial front, but deep down, I'm just like any other imperfect human being. I am broken, I am fragile and I also am beaten up with life, so much...till the thought of ending everything comes just very frequent lately. 

Seeing how people suffer just because of me, is something that is truly breaking my heart. I care too much, I love too much, but often times, things that we feel right for ourselves, may not be right in the sight of others. I believe this is what causing chaos in the world today, because we fail to accept others as they are without instilling our thoughts and expectations in them.

It is truly heartbreaking when love and care brings the opposite results. Just one mistake, brings everything down. Bonds and trusts just diminished over one mistake. A mistake that till now, I do not know the reason behind it all. Trying to figure out the root of the mistake, yet all I get is just a blank mind of not being able to comprehend why it happened. 

And there is just no one who I can share all these with. Today, I drown in my own struggles and battles, hoping that things would be better tomorrow.  If only life is just as simple as "sleep on it".....

If this is my end, I thank you my Teapot Cabin, for being a friend I never had.


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