Indescribable

gosh....such an indescribable feeling..such negativity flowing within and around me that i really could not grasp the other side of the story like how i used to train myself to do..i just can't seem to feel good about anything around me, not even myself.....gosh....and worse, i do not know the root cause...guess it is an accumulation of negativity set into a timed bomb and now it is the time!

lately things have just gone to the other side; wrong to be precise. everything seemed to be wrong...maybe i have been wrong all these years, and only now MADE known to be wrong (worse still to the public, not a self discovery)....all these have seriously challenged my self esteem altogether..i now am starting to question everything that i am doing or have done or going to do...basically its just questions leading to another question leading to another question.....my self confidence is breaking, i am losing out on just being myself and it is something which i really do not want to happen...and mind you, wearing a mask is certainly not easy....

and because of that realization, i began to be silent...the more i speak, the more wrong words are expressed..so to save both parties, i'll just shut it up. too much said, yet little listen....what a world it is!

hmm....or at the end of the day..am i just thinking too much? i worry too much? anxiety taking over me till i lose my own head and thoughts and actions; everything! guess i'll just have to let loose and relax to face the ever challenging world and life of mine. so help me God...