The Teapot's Cabin

I am blessed. For the wonderful 29 years of life. For all the ups and downs, the dos and donts, the bad and the good, the pretty and the ugly, I am truly thankful. For these past recent years, that I started to count for on my blessings than my shortfalls. I used to compare and feel disappointed with myself when looking at others' achievements and where they have been or what they have done...yet, who knows how are their real "life"? who knows whether are they really enjoying it or was it all just a gimmick? And with that realization, I started to cut loose on myself more...started to think less, to worry less, to take things as they come and knowing that there is always a higher power at play in my life. Then, things started to look differently. I started to pay more attention to the people around me, to start looking at all the opportunities around me, start to take things one step at a time....and pay more attention to my loved ones... To choose kindness, to choo...

I have always been very cautious about what people think about me...i always care a lot more of what others think rather than what I think....which i know, is not a very good trait of mine.....although it is very difficult, yet, that is what i have been willing to put up with for so many years..... till i recently discovered how this whole thing "showed results"a few days ago......I'm still figuring out whether it was a good result or a bad one.... Allow me to discuss further......just a line of status (on facebook) showed me how people view me... i am often viewed as the fierce one, the nonsense one (when it comes to work related), the know-what-she-wants one...in short, the strong independent one. not bragging, but that was how people view me...and indeed that has showed me a lot more than i notice about myself.... that was how people know me, and yet, i did not know that all these while, i portrayed myself as that individual... only a few people who knew who i r...

Hypocrisy! yes, A strong word, a powerful word...weigh so much.... you may expect me to be angry, to be furious, but instead i feel disappointed instead... im speaking as a third party as well as a victim.. Friends. How do you value a friendship? Is it just a touch and go? just someone to use when you needed something, and then after, forgot all that we have gone through as friends? it is really sad to see a friendship come to a stage where everything that is to be done or has been done is calculated to its core..for example, not close enough friend so no need to waste money or precisely, no need to waste leave just for a friend's wedding! for a joyous occasion, a once in a lifetime joyous celebration, yet they cannot sacrifice just for this....but i should them credit for being honest enough with me to inform me the real reason for not going, and not lying beautifully to cover up the truth... but that's not the point... or maybe that is the point, i supposed. they just do no...

it's been a journey of ups and downs lately....well, that's what life is all about, i supposed.... i just got back from a church camp, last week...well, it could not be defined as a camp, more like a casual weekend with a bunch of people from church, with a few speakers for some input, and some fun time..... it was something different i can say, not new, but just different...a very different experience altogether for me. for the people i encountered and for the entire experience itself....i decided to look back and reflect upon the whole thingy... why was it so different for me? i've been to various camps, church camps, school camps, etc. but this is different...maybe signs of aging perhaps? hahaha i used to stay up late, mingling with people after the sessions, late into the night...talking, chit chatting, just to get friendly, build network (as some people might call it)...but somehow this time around, i just decided to go back to the room and catch up on sleep...more...