The Teapot's Cabin

It's been three months since my last post.... so fast time flies..... Well, i wouldn't want to speak about what happened over the past three months.. but rather speak something very randomly that is bonggling the mind.. How often do we do our best in whatever tasks that is given, but the credit still goes to someone else? as much as we choose to ignore it, the dust is never easy to be bitten... the effort and time to help, and yet, those who were suppose to do it, choose to ignore it, while i become the scape goat for all the nonsense that wasn't even mine in the first place. it is really unfairness to its maxmum. and as much as it is against my life principle to be brought down so easily, but i just could not do much, knowing that i am legally bound to what is being contracted to me.. haizzz..life and all its obstacles... as much as i hope to persevere through all these, as much as i hope to leave as well... So much that i have gone through the past 9 years, and ne...

and so someone told me recently that it is always "the darkest before the dawn"... i was skeptical at first, but then now slowly began to believe in this... Well, from my previous latest post, things have really gotten into a 180degree turn in my life..it was something i would not have expected to happen (not so soon at least), but it did...and initially i thought that it would be the end of me, the last straw that would have been my end... but somehow eventually, i decided to give life another chance...and i believe, to this very day, am glad to have made that decision... things may not be all prim and proper for now, but at least it is showing me that hope still exist among us if we do not give up believing in it... am still keeping an eye open about my surroundings though it may only trap me in my own situation later down the line... (fingers crossed that it will not happen).. Let's just see how things go... p/s: this post has not much input. but i just fee...

i did it again.... and it hurts more than ever now... when i finally decided to dive in and take the risk this time around, again....i am made dissapointed with the decision i took... i should never blame anyone for such, it is just a wake-up call for me to guard myself all over again.. its too hard to let go and let loose when all those will just cause you more hurt than you intend to in the beginning... enough. its time to build those walls again. the heart is not able to take it for the third time... once bitten, twice shy, third avoid. so help me God. Amen.

its been a while since i last posted...well, been busy with work...or maybe just making myself busy...hahhaa...whatever it was, it has been a whirlwind journey of late.. it got me thinking suddenly...to realize what we do to ourselves to deny ourselves from the reality in front of us.. confused? think about it. how often we drown ourselves in our own comfort zone such as in our work (because we are so used to doing what we are doing) or going to eat at places which we are so familiar with daily or doing the same routinely thing daily i.e. take the same route for our morning/evening brisk walk. are we happy doing these things and continue staying in our comfort zones? are you daring enough to get out of it and try new things? are you willing to put your work away just to have a good night out? are you willing to take a different pathway on your morning/evening brisk walk or maybe change it into a run instead? think about it. we are so often afraid of change. for the sim...

Lately things have got me thinking and reflecting...yes..again...i just like doing this...its like a habit.. from time to time i just sit and think... sometimes i am also lost in my own thoughts.. oh well, lately with the two suicidal cases of the famous icons; (God bless their souls: Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain)..it got me thinking even more.. what if i end up being like that one day? For Kate Spade, i may not know much about her, just know her brand. But knowing me knowing my food, i know Anthony Bourdain. and i can relate so much to him. how much he likes travelling, and food, and meeting new people, not afraid to try new things...that's just how similar i am too.. hence, i can relate so much to his persona, and maybe even, can also feel what he felt, till he decided to take his own life..it is sad to hear about it. really. it gave me a sense that i can be like that too. one day. who knows. Life which we always see may not be what we always thought it is or would be....

Could it be real? after all that has happened to me, i decided to give it another shot and i am wondering now if it is all real, because honestly, it is very surreal...it seemed so perfect, for now... oh well...yet to know..only time will tell... Will keep you all posted. So help me God. Amen.

i write about my work previously, and in most of my few posts too...so obviously that work has taken centre stage to me these past months. or rather i drown myself in my work because of the effect my work has on myself and the people i work with. it gives me a certain contentment which is the driving force for me to strive better with each day, though it never gets easier but tougher everytime. as much as contented i am with work, i find it sad and dissapointed to a certain aspect with my life as i fail to share these feeling with those in the similar field as me. as much as i would want others to be in the same state of mind as me when it comes to the work i am doing, it sadden me when i heard the other person, whom i have tried to groom decided to call it quits on this. maybe it is because the lack of experience and the inferiority that she feels when it comes to this nature of the work.. that brings me to the reason i am blogging today. i think i have t...

Its been a while since I last blogged..and if those who have been following me,  will know the low note of my last post...indeed..it has been very difficult, to this very day. something which really shattered me.. but nonetheless, i choose to see the positive side.. because it has led me to find a distraction through my work.. Things are really overwhelming lately at work. its been two months since i took over an additional role at work, and things are still unstable, but looking on the bright side.. and with me, now writing this in a different country (not revealing where, but not in Malaysia), gave me a sense of "i finally did it"... i am finally living the dream. something which i have always wanted since, i think 4 years ago, a career which i have always eyed since then. Things is not easy, surely. nothing in life is, but it just proves that nothing is impossible if we put our heart in it and not giving up on it... As much as my personal life is in shambles, i am ha...

It is only when you are down in the dumps that you begin to see the importance of having someone with you, to talk to, to share with ups and downs, just to be there. The past one month taught me the toughest lesson in life, to date (i really do hope no more such similar experience in store for me in the future). I was naive and vulnerable enough to succumb to the "damage" that i was dragged into. In fact, after having the realization of the entire situation and the shit that I was in, I was doubtful if I can stand up and get out of it to just live. The emotional and mental stress was seriously not something that i could even put into words. It was just a rough ride altogether, and to be here now typing this post, is just something i can be grateful for, that i can go through this ugly episode of my life. Don't ask me what happened. just take my word for it that it was the shittiest shit I ever encountered. To this very day, i still blame myself for being so blunt,...

Things always happen unexpectedly...or rather things happen when you least expected it. Well, life did changed tremendously for me lately..in various aspects i.e. career and relationships. As much as we always strive for the best, we often forget that people are also watching us as we do the best in our work and hence, bigger responsibility are thrown to us. I sometimes contemplate why the heck do i get so much work while my peers do not..but i choose to see it positively, that i did something right and thus was trusted with bigger responsibilities because people acknowledge my abilities and capabilities in handling them. I choose to see it as a compliment and a challenge to my capabilities. That's just how life is. never allowing us the benefit of expectaton because things will never ever happen as how we expected. as you reach this point, im sure you are hoping to read about what i wrote above; relationships. Well, let's just keep that for another post. In the mea...

And so it has been a couple of busy days...extremely busy days...at work I have finally gone back to my old routinely self of being a workaholic. i have always been a workaholic, but all because I love what i do..and so i immerse myself in my work... you know how people always say that we should always do things that make you happy... and how often people are misinterpreting it as non-work-stuff, but what most people forget is that for some, work is what makes them happy... and i somehow have to admit that! I like to work. not because of the money, but rather the meaning behind my work. the effects of my work on the people around me, or the effects of my work on the people whose work revolves my work..i can't help to think how much we are able to help people by the work we are doing... i'm not just referring to my current job but rather all my other jobs in the past too, and that gives me great contentment. yes, i do go through stress as frequent as any normal human being...

I just hate the cold nights...as much as I prefer cold weathers than hotter ones, but it is also something I do not like as it often is a reminder how lonely these times are... its a love-hate relationship. COLD. that is just how the weather is and how things are at the moment. the irony of me finally securing what I have always wanted, in terms of my career, but the down part of not being happy overall... Cold. that is the exact temperature of how things are between us. maybe it is because i became so independent with myself that it is making me decapitated somehow knowing the consequence that comes with such a risk I took with it. and no one to be blamed for this. It was a choice I made, and got to live with it. Cold. that is just about it. I do not see how things will turn to be warm again. The effort is just excruciatingly painful and as much as I was hoping to come out of the wreck of the past, it is just sucking me deeper within... So help me God. Amen.

Things are often unpredicted. Just when you think your hopes looking gloom...and heading down the line, things started to twist around.... although im still in the midst of the "wait" (as per my previous post) But now that things are moving in a different direction, the "wait" does not seemed intimidating anymore. in fact, the results of the "wait", provided a positive result, will then make everything fall into place perfectly... Just keeping my fingers cross and not being too hopeful, so as not to be dissapointed in a harder manner. Help me God. Amen.

Happy New Year! hoping for a happy year indeed.... isn't that the ultimate aim at the end of  the day for everyone? Well, that is what i truly believe in, that is no matter what I choose to do, or be involved in, the most important thing is that I am happy at the end of the day. but then...I am starting to contradict my believes. Funny, how it seem that I am so accustomed to helping and guiding people that I often disregard my own feelings, precisely my happiness. I am always putting others' needs before my own, and hence the tendency of wanting to help, but denying my own feelings behind it all. This has been playing in my mind for long, very very long, been months,...maybe the long duration was that I am unable to tell it to anyone because no one I know who is able to understand such situation..and it may appear to them that I overthink at times for having such thoughts, but then again, how hard I try to deny or distract from it, these thoughts keep coming back, haunt...

and so the annual mandatory post....a practice that I make myself do since dont know when...hahaha... self-declared-mandatory so 2017 passed. So many things happen, so many things changed, so many things left unsaid, but I think most importantly, is so many blessings upon the way. Life has indeed changed in 2017. if you have been following my posts, you will notice the change in my career, especially. Yes, indeed. the career change has been a leap (of joy i hope!) for 2017. Many were surprise but some were expecting it, noticing the changes in me from the previous one... Nevertheless, 2017 has taught me the following: Don't take things for granted, because you may not always get what you wanted, Don't assumed things, because you will never know how life swings, Don't be too quick to judge, because you will never know the reason behind the smudge, Don't sweat the small stuff, because life gives you more reason to be tough. Do be thankful for the past, ...