Christmas and Me

i am sitting right now in front of the christmas tree at home and wondering.....what is christmas to me this year? what are the things that cause me to look forward to it, this very year?? i used to have the answers to these questions....but sadly, this year...i have none! and i have to admit it, that it is a 'sad case' if one does not have the mood to celebrate it, the 'christmas mood' to be precise....

yes, christmas is always the time to celebrate the birth of our Saviour, our Master, our King, our Friend...and it is certainly the best time to be with our loved ones, our families especially...its a time of giving and receiving, whether its presents or just a simple greeting of 'Merry Christmas'.. its a time to share and spread the joy with one another...its a time of welcoming something precious or rather a new beginning...

but sad to say, i can't feel the spirit of christmas this year....there isn't much that i look forward to this year, though im excited at the fact that my family will be coming down to celebrate together, however, i can't feel the 'christmas mood'...there isn't the 'spark' that i used to feel everytime when december comes...to me, its just like any other ordinary month and day...which i think, its a very sad thing.....haih.....maybe the pressure and anxiety around me is causing all these, the tension and stress is so great, that it supresses all my festive mood....gosh...this is not what one hopes for when december comes.....

frankly, i was actually so looking forward to Christmas somewhere middle of the year, and was even talking and sharing my excitements about Christmas with a good friend then, with so much interest and enthusiasm about the whole thing, how i anticipate the coming of December....but then, now when the time is here, everything is just the opposite...sad to say this, but i want to be honest here that im really dreading it day by day, wishing that the day pass slowly so that Christmas does not come so soon......

one friend asked me the other day : "what would be the reason for a non catholic to celebrate christmas?"...but now when i think of that question, i, who am a catholic is pondering that question myself..................my oh my.....why is such happening to me????? show me the light, God......im in total darkness now.....i am doubting if i will ever find the light and get out of the darkness surrounding me......help me to be strong.. i cant bear it any longer

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