The Teapot's Cabin

And so I mentioned how a big decision I had to make in my previous post and indeed...since then, it has been all the clearer that this should be it.... so how did I know it was the best decision and the signs were pointing me there? oh well, I stop a while and look at my surroundings, one late evening...and I see how much I have been through to be where I am today, to be doing what I am doing today, and indeed....it has been a hell of a journey... but I am grateful for it all, and especially for the span of the few hard days where I had to make a decision, I learnt a lot about myself, things which I was doubtful about but it all seemed so clear to me now A friend told me, that I needed to make this decision. it is a change that has to happen because I have been in a stagnant situation for a while and it is not healthy for me to do so... at first I thought he was just saying things out of his mind without knowing me within...but how wrong was I when indeed, what he said was right. ...

It's been a hell of a week...the previous week it is. So many things happen within the span of 7 days. no ups and downs as it is mostly downs.... oh well, i survived and lived to tell the story So it has been a wrecking week.. i have one of the toughest decisions to make and it really got onto the very fine end of my hair, to actually have a single clue which to choose as both choices put forth is equal with its pros and cons..my future was at stake. yes, you read it correctly. my future was  at stake, and thus the heartache and headache to come to a decision at the end of the week... i read up, i searched up, i calculated (being a Chinese suddenly by being all calculative to the single cent), i spoke to so many people. i did all that i can do just so to find a solution. and thankfully i did. from all the conversations i had, with all sorts of people i known, with all their comments, feedback and sermons, i can draw out the main keyword that was mentioned...and it was HAPPINESS. ...

I've been a very dedicated employee lately....until I'm turning into a workaholic... nothing but work work work...and more work....i think about work all the time...when i have nothing to do, i get bored and wishes to go back to work, to do work...and it has become a routine... and it seriously is becoming unhealthy, the stress is building up from within... to the point that i feel everything i do is questionable, i think and think and think and overthink of things that i do and is to do.. it is really getting into me more and more and i realize these very frequent in the change of my attitude and everyday behavior.. oh gosh! what have i turned out to be? maybe it is not work on its own, but the feeling that i get at work.. i feel useful, i feel wanted, i feel i am needed, i feel important, i am acknowledge and i know i am contributing to something, i am doing something worthy...or so i thought i am/was. until my colleague, honestly told me, "you need to go on a holida...

It is really difficult to be positive for others when you yourself are struggling in your own puddle of problems.... familiar? well, for me, personally, this happened very often for me. how much i have to pretend things are okay, or to put up a positive, cheery upfront for the people around me, when deep within me, it is the otherwise...it is indeed tiring...honestly.. but then, you may call me stupid for acting such. but for me, the reason me being i know how hard it is to be alone in your own shit..one thing for sure, i have been there, to be alone in my own shit and i know it does not feel good...and therefore, i make sure that people around me, who is in trouble or struggling in their own mess, can always count on me being there for them... it is really important to let them know they are not alone because loneliness kills deep within...and when it does, it has no mercy! i read somewhere that says when you help people with their problems, eventually, it will help you with yours...

Believe and Faith. Any difference? It was beautifully put in place by a priest who preached so beautifully over the weekend and it will be a waste not to share it here. He said that believe is the response to our faith. How much we believe, will reflect on our faith. No matter where we are in life, our spiritual state of being, whether our faith is full, or half empty, or half filled, or almost empty, God will be there. He meets us where we are. If only we believe that it will happen. We do not need to ask for faith, as faith is already given and planted in all of us during our baptism, that small little mustard seed, planted in each one of us, and poured with the holy water of baptism...therefore instead, we should grow in faith, and not just to ask for one. The two scenarios that Father has put up clearly explains the relationship between these two; faith and believe. we all have the faith, yet do we believe in it? We profess the creed, so perpetually, yet, do we mean what we say? ...

How many times did we doubted God? How many times did we doubted ourselves?  Every time when things did not turned as what we expected, we doubt the existence of God. We scold God, we blame it on Him, we shun Him out just because He "did not do as we pleased"......and how often does this cycle repeat itself? I'm sure any human being will go through such difficult phase, such disappointment that we feel as if He abandoned us...yet, there is always a reason to all these. There is always a reason for everything. Indeed. I am a living proof of this statement and proudly stands by it. Just take a moment and look back at things that happened, big or small things.....but to be more profound, look for those big things where decisions are made, important decisions, fundamental decisions.... How often do we actually get what we don't wish for? and yet, look at how the entire situation played out... somehow somewhere, it will certainly worked in our favor, or maybe not...bu...

So it is already in the second quarter of the year, and I am only in my second post of the year... yes, you may have guessed it....a lot have happened ever since my very first post, changing and altering a lot of aspects of my very life.... for the better, i hope...and pray.. Oh well, the past 3 months have been very very interesting, i shall say...it is a mind-opening period, of coming out from my denial and facing the truth, the ugly bitter truth... yes, it has been painful but certainly necessary to get on with what's worth it in life..but thankfully, i survived the entire ordeal...it is not over yet, it is an ongoing struggle but I am certain, i can go through it all with faith and trust in God. Looking at these 3 months period, i can't help but notice how much i have been living in denial. At the back of my head, i know what i did or what i have done or what i was planning to do, is not right, yet, for the sake of denying, for the sake of fear itself, i choose to let m...