Tired of being a friend...

haiah..its been a wacky week in a way....things come and go...so tired of being another "helper" again....people change....everything is different...why?



i cant stop questioning myself lately..WHY? wHy? whY? Why? WHY? is it realy meant to be like this? am i able to change the whole situation? am i capable in the first place?



i seriously believe in relationships build between people...be it friends, coursemates, friend's friends, family members,etc...and im feeling really tired to continue to be in this kind of relationships...not to say that i wan to be in a state of solitary...but i've began to realize that all this while, i've been a 'giver' and not much of a 'receiver'....i've given and given, over n over time...but do not receive that much (anymore)...im seriously tired of all this....i don't know whether should i blame my nature for always being a 'giver' or am i just plain st***d?? or am i putting too high expectations on things that i know would not be as good as i want it to be?



i really cant bear to see people in trouble, in dilemma, in a bad or rough situation, and i really wana help them out, seriously.....but sometimes, i always think...am i doin what is worth? i sometimes get myself in trouble cause of this and questioning : is this relationship worth keeping?..at somepoint, stress and pressure kicks in....and all that can save you is the state of mind; whether to take it positively or negatively.....its very hard to build a 'brave front' when you are put in a very position no one would want to be....and worse stil when the matter does not involve me at all, but somehow im involve indirectly...gosh....life is really a hard game to play



people come, people go...people changed for the better and for the worse as well...haiah....the facts of life is somewhat hurtful...and seriously, the phrase "survivor of the fittest" is kicking in...i don't think i can survive further....im breaking..........................................

Comments

giLda Jan said…
babe! this wasnt supposed to be a comment.

i know how busy you are. but there are times when we feel bored and dont feel like doing things concerning our studies or work.

thought of having a bLog for cssum. i have all the photos since i was first year till i graduated and you have yours too

um is the pioneer for css i guess it would be nice if we can "treasure" cssum items and memories in a form of bLog and can be kept forever.

you have gone through the newsletter rite? cssum used to have it long time ago

what say you?

it is not an obligation but for our past time.

dont worry ....

hugs!!

i Love cssum! haha i love the ppl esp
September 12, 2008 at 4:28 PM
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