Saying NO

I got to learn to say NO!! This is just a two-letter word but yet, it is just so hard for me to use it…and due to my ‘stupidity’(you may say it), it got me into trouble… a lot of trouble!

I actually didn’t realize the real cause of the trouble(s) that I’ve gone through till my mum told me that…because it is really really difficult for me to say NO! Those who knew me well, may realize this…because I really have a bad habit (yeah, I considered it bad now) to be obliging to people, even though I am to suffer or to go through a lot of trouble….WHY, you may ask…. I don’t know….its just my nature….

I don’t like questioning people;
They ask me for help, I say YES!
They tell me they need help, I say YES!
They call me for help, I say YES!
They choose me to help them, I say YES!
They look for me for help, I say YES!

*Sigh*….looking back, it can be counted the number of times ‘NO’ came out of me...

It is really a part of me that I don’t really like …….. I do like helping people, because I always like the end result when I see the people I helped, feeling so happy, relieved and satisfied…but that’s the bad part (now, to me) of myself too; I just can’t bear knowing people are in trouble, or full of anxiety and I’m just not doing anything to help ease them….and if I don’t help them, they will feel disappointed and depressed…. It is very hard(I meant sakit, not keras) for me to see that happening, but yet it is ‘hurting’ me as well….and this has been proven with the trouble that I gone through lately…some may have knew about it, but some are still in the dark (haha…sorry ah for those in the dark, its not a good thing to share here lah, but if you really wana know, ask me personally la… I will be most willing to share)….

And the trouble that I gone through is seriously not a mere headache, but it was a ‘wake-up’ call, I shall say…. So many consequences that I have to bear and it really burned holes in my pockets as well as my ‘heart’ too….timing was just so ‘right’, everything just falls ‘right’ into places…things when you least imagine would happened at a bad period of time, really was a test of a lifetime….its already enough of tests that I have to go through for my studies, but what more of a ‘test of will power and strength’? Seriously, everyday is a learning process….and if the time is ‘right’, what you’ve learned, will be tested in a way you will not expect and hope for…..

There isn’t anyone to be blame, because I am at fault myself….my own obliging nature is causing me trouble and I seriously have to overcome this….anyone out there that can please teach me how to use that two-letter word? I am in urgent need…. I need to save myself……

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