The Teapot's Cabin

Wow...it's been a while since i last posted here....and alot has been happening for the past two months...ALOT, i really meant ALOT... yes! i took a risk, a big leap which shocked alot of people when they knew what i did, but i am glad i did it. it was a no-turning-back decision i made...and to this very day, i am very thankful for it. ever trusting that He is the reason to all these and surely He knows what is best for me to lead me to where i am now... my new experience? well, to me, its a breath of fresh air. although it is not literally fresh air, because there is alot of things that is needed to be fixed, but i know it is all possible, if only i believe that it can be done. it takes alot of guts to do what i am doing but it was the past that shaped me into what i am today. and certainly, although the past has not been pretty, and as dramatic as it can be, i am very thankful for such experience. as what i have told to one of my friends lately, if only we have not been throu...

Being human, I just dislike the fact where people take things for granted or rather do not appreciate what has been done. I guess everyone,  if not majority, would not have liked it if what they have done for the common good of all, not being appreciated or being thanked for. Especially when it involves lots of sacrifices of time and effort. Why can't people just understand what has been happening behind the scene and not just judged? And if so, say it directly and not through a third party... Well, yes. I was put I in such a situation, when I said yes to certain things that were handed and offered to me. To be honest,  I took it up initially for the wrong reasons.  I empathised on the whole situation and therefore did what I had to do. Even though I did not agree to what was practiced but I carried on despite the fact that it brought me much inconvenience and sacrifices.  But then slowly I realize the reason to all these was Him. I persevered because of Him. Beca...

following up from my previous post, yeah...indeed i was a broken person then. but looking back at it all, that's when i have the courage to share and reflect what happened and the transformation that took place..... hehe...sound so dramatic and i caught your attention to read on, right? hahahaha.... well, things were really not smooth..in fact, what could actually went wrong, went wrong... hurts, disapointments, pain, stress..practically i was really struggling to pick myself up to the point that all i wanted to do was just to escape it all, run away from all of it, to deny the whole problem actually existed.. i was really in one of the lowest point in life... and looking back at it, it was kinda sad because I was really searching for Him at that point, but it was difficult, it was a struggle and i had too many questions left unanswered... and being me, i always mask all these in me. so if you ever seen me during my bad and lowest days, you would not know because i mask it all wi...

Why can't life be all just smooth flowing? I remember reading somewhere stating that a Catholic can never run away from suffering. I don't know why but I can be a living proof of that statement. Indeed, God is ever challenging us daily. One after another,  biting deeper and harder each time..deeper wounds, more profuse bleeding, more painful heart and hurtful soul... sounds as if I'm exaggerating but I am not. I am just sharing my current situation which is by far, the worse challenge of all. And maybe because things that matters most dearly to your heart that will hurt you the most...you feel so hurt,  dejected, neglected, disappointed and worst, lost! Lost in the sea of ungratefulness, lost in the sea of selfishness, lost in the sea of hatred, lost in the sea of bitterness and lost in the sea of hell! Where hell is define as the condition of totally rejecting and ignoring love. Life can really be so so painful. So hurtful that you begin to question the purpose of life...

31st august. The national's independence day..and what would that meant for the nation? Well, too huge picture to see...so just take a look at yourself.  Myself. This year has been more memorable than any other years. I was celebrating my own independence. Being able to be free and given the freedom to choose what I really want in life...that was what I am most thankful for. People ask me, what should.we be thankful for for this year's independent day. Well, that was my answer. Thus, being able to decide my path in life,  im just wishing for the best. It was a risk I took and tomorrow will be the beginning of it all. And when I opened my eyes tmr morning, it will all start anew. God bless us all.

Of so many "ugly" attitudes, the one that I can't tolerate would be those who are not grateful or thankful for what they have been given. I just can't understand ppl with such mindset or attitude who just feel that what they have now is just some sucky s**t that they are stuck with just because they have no choice. What nonsense!! Your life is all yours.what you made out of it is solely dependent on you. If you are not happy with what ever situation or condition you are in right now, then do something about it. If it can be done physically, then do it. If it is something not physical,  then try to accept it with an open mind and heart. I really can't tolerate people who are just so ungrateful for what opportunity they are given and instead of doing something about it or make something out of it, they rather choose to complain and sulk about it....gosh!! Memang tak boleh tahan...yes! I am angry or rather feeling annoyed and irritated with such an attitude. And no...

It the midst of a Monday, my friend and I came out with a poetry (but my friend choose to call it a song instead..haha) as following: He Will Answer wake up to start afresh, no help in current stretch,  what i really need is something neat, not some rat mess that increase my stress.  but frustration is all i get, which is what i like to forget the situation now is a no go, looking for the real flow,  look to the left, look to the right, everywhere seem so not right i wished my wheels can take me where,  someplace which i know things will be fair what should i do, where should i go, who do i seek...only one person comes to mind.  He's the great sunshine, He's the rainbow's end, He's my one true friend He's the almighty, the one and only! all i need to do is to pray and be cool, cos i'd be a fool not realize his love is so full.  all i need to do is to trust and to pray, cos i know he'll never let me go astray

Wait. Yes, we wait. That was what Fr. Alberto shared in his homily today which was so true and so relevant to everything and everyone. Humans just tend to wait, but somehow, only the patient and the determined one will be able to withstand the waiting and reap the end rewards. We wait alot. We wait for our paycheque at the end of every month, we wait for our meals at restaurants, we wait for our friends who we have made plans to meet up, we wait for better opportunity to come our way, we wait and wait and wait...but all with the same principle behind it; We wait in faith! Yes, faith is the reason and the answer to our realities. We have faith in God and therefore we lift up our anxieties and troubles to him, knowingly our waiting will bear answers from Him. We have faith in our families, and therefore we wait for them to come together for meals and celebrations. We have faith in ourselves and therefore we earnestly wai...

wow..it has been more than a month that i last blogged (until I had to look at my last post to know where I left off..haha)....well, not that nothing "interesting" has happened to me, but rather too much interesting happenings that I do not know where to begin... So yeah, based on my last post, I took the leap...and indeed it was a leap of faith, a leap full of risk, a leap full of expectations, a leap with no regrets..or so was it? It was a decision, which personally, was rather difficult for me because right where I am now was the result of a leap I took before..and now, to get such an experience from this was really a thought, deep insightful thought that took me days to decipher and decide upon.  One reason was truly the fact that fear is always there around the corner of my mind. everything that I would want to do, fear is always a faithful companion. But trusting to my guts, trusting Him, i knew that i'll just have to accept this companion and go along with it. ...

It's a leap. I have gathered all the courage that I possessed and have made a decision. I always believe that your happiness is always up to your ownself and nobody is responsible for it. If you are unhappy, then you have to do something about it and not just put the blame on others. And that is what I have decided to do. I know the grass often looks greener on the other side and always remind myself not to be fooled by assumptions and illusions. But then, when the time is right, and the door of opportunity opens wide, be very firm of your decisions and take the risk. If we do not try, we will never know. The world waits for no one. So why wait when the opportunity is calling out for you. Seize it and go for it, and along the way, just pray. God doesn't abandon you. He always know what is best for us. There is always a plan for each and everyone of us if only we put our trust in Him. Just remember, whenever He brings you to a cliff, He will only catch you when you fall or h...

For following the right procedure, for following the right protocol,  for doing things the way they should be, for speaking out the truth...I am considered a public enemy? Was it fair? I havr enough of standing up, enough of explaining my thoughts, enough of explaining my actions,  enough of being called "childish" for lashing out at a wrong doing..ENOUGH! it's time to leave for the better good of all. No point talking termd n reasons, they will just find more reasons to make u the ultimate public enemy. I do not detest you all, nor hate you all but I pray for you all. I thank God for each and everyone of you for bringing out the side of me which I didn't know I had. I pray for wisdom, strength and courage to move on. God bless you all for evrythng that you have done and will do. I only pray for the best to come out fron you all. God is kind and all merciful. Praise the Lord. Amen.

It was just like any Saturday, where I would attend sunset mass in church. but somehow, yesterday, precisely, when I reach the church and entered, I somehow felt different. A very strange feeling within me. Previously, I would attend mass directly after the Youcat studies, thus I would always be somehow or rather, prepared for mass, knowing well what I am supposed to do and so on... but somehow, yesterday, with the Youcat studies finished, I entered the church with a very strange feeling. I was, as usual, very excited for mass/church since the morning itself. But the minute I entered, while the novena was still on, just in time for the Benediction, I felt rather empty, kosong, no feel. It was as if I entered a whole new place, but there was a serene feeling, peace. It was like being in a new world but rather felt very much at home. What was it? I was certainly puzzled. Usually I would not even notice or don't even bother to tend to my innermost feelings, but something made me r...

hmm..it's been a while since i left this cabin..too much other things which occupied my time...aiya, reasonings for my ownself...one word, Lazy! haha....well, kinda..but mostly cause i just didnt have the urge or motivation to blog...guess things just was ordinary, nothing extra special or rather extra ordinary for me to pen them down... so what made me blog this time? as per my title, yeah, that's the main reason. Since i have decided to pen down my journey and experience in YouCat, then i shall finalize it now. YouCat ended last Saturday, 1st of June to be exact, with a whole day event, Day of Prayer. Basically was just introducing us to pray in different forms i.e. the imaginary prayer and also the adoration of the blessed sacraments. Then we have talks about saints and also about who we say Jesus is. Then it ended up with a group sharing on our respective pray lives and that's it! the end of YouCat....or was it the beginning? well, i rather choose the latter. What s...

I wonder if people have such wonder in their head, but I often do..I often wonder "do I really need to speak up or just stay silence like the rest for the fear of misjudgement?" U see, various occasions of speaking out and speaking up ended up in negative impressions and that always lead me to think that I have done something so wrong to actualy have the courage to do that... but then again, if I dont speak, then people assumed I agree with them which at so many times, I don't!  And that is a whole confusion and mind-bothering issue for me.. I know, whenever I am courageous enough (mind u, this is a new found trait in me for which I stand proud of) to speak out, I always think that people must be so sick of me talking all the time or rather always wanting to find fault with others..but little do they know that all I am intending to is just to communicate? I have tried many ways to tackle things around me; I have been vocal, I have been very expressive in written words...

It has been a unique life journey i shall say for me for the past couple of months, in terms of religion or precisely, in my faith. Looking back at my own life, there is really a significant difference which is for the better (i think) and it has really made me who i am today. One thing for sure, there is like a renewed faith within which i am really very thankful for..indeed, God works mysteriously in everyone if only we allow him to take control of our lives..everything happens for a reason and so does my participation in the YouCat studies.. It's been around 4months plus and it has turned into something which i look forward to each weekend. Its a whole different thing for me when it first started (i admit) because it takes part of my Saturdays away and it involves a whole lot of commitment which i really doubt it, but now it has been a very joyful experience. yup, it's been a while since i blog about my experience in the YouCat as what i have been intended to do....but nev...

Lately things have really been somewhat "odd" whereby things have been the total opposite of what I expected them to be..it's a good thing somewhat but its not healthy, I shall say...the worse is yet to cone. But then again,  I always question myself,  "why are we always anticipating for the worse till we often choose to nt see what is lying in front of us at this very point in our respective lives?"  Weird right...when things r going smoothly but somehow we choose to be anxious for the worse... true n important that we have to be prepared but don't la until to the extend that we jeopardize our present.. Bt then, thats hw life is.the reality of it..that is the reason why I can become so "happy go lucky" as people often categorise me as that just for the fact that I don't seemed worried at all... haha.. well, in my personal defence, lets just say that I got tired of worrying about things that I began to take things easier than what I do previo...

I finally understand something today..after months of thinking and analyzing, I finally came to a conclusion after making some observations which finally proves my theory/hypothesis. . Hahaha...call me stupid but that's just reality. I find it very disturbing when people just choose to be blind to the situation that is surrounding them although knowing that something can always be made right to the wrongs that they are in now. They have so much fear in them that hinders them for growth.. is ignorant really a bliss to them? But I guess it is for them since to them nothing will be bad for them as long as they do what they are asked to do (note the difference between what they are suppose to do) even though it is wrong... And often enough, I try in my own subtle ways to help these ppl realize the effects of their mindset and thinking or rather actions, but often times I get the negative feedback. And I finally came to realize that today....they just dont want to bother. Even when ...

Although  it's been a while since I last blog about my youcat journey,  (I will...soon) but there is something which I would like to share at this moment... Well, I gt to admit n acknowledge that there has been changes in me in terms of my religion or rather, my faith. I became more n more attached to the church nowadays. It does at some point,  feel very stressful n tiring, but at the end of it all..there is always contentment. I realize there has been growth in me..im trusting more on faith than I was before this, I begin to look n find jesus in every person I meet and it is truly a wonderful experience altogether. For example, even when I get so angry at someone, I rather take a deep breath and offer up my anger rather than reacting as per the norm. Evrythng seemed to make more sense nowadays. I began to value my faith more n more. Growing deeper into my relationship with god than I have ever been before. It is seriously like a life changing journey which is still ...

disappointments after disappointments... unappreciated....haiz....is life really that hard to get on by? is this all just a challenge that happens to have greater rewards? i wonder..i seriously wonder.. often times, i fall and i will always try my very best to pick myself up and fight the fight again.. but now, its like the final fall...the third fall and now i await my persecution.. I fall, God, I really fall...and this time i really do not know whether i have the strength and will to go on..it is so so demotivating, so so disheartening when everyone is just putting you down just so that they can show their superiority.. its just so sad to see that people are just misusing you for your knowledge and just a mere puppet in their whole showcase...and with the renewed courage that i gained over the couple of months, this particular fall seemed to surpass everything.. i really felt as if a sword has pierced through my soul..and indeed, the tongue is mightier than the sword.. w...

you know how it feels when you are at the cross roads, and don't really know which road to choose? well, that's not what i am going through actually..haha...its even worse than that... i am rather at a "dead end"...where you know the end is deadly..... it is really difficult to not think of this end considering the fact that everything that happens around me is contributing to that fact and realization. and yet, i always tell myself, "the beginning is always the toughest, the beginning is always the toughest..." on and on again all just to comfort myself that i am on the right track and there is no deadly end somehow.... this is really not my usual self because (for those who knows me well) i am always a person who is very sure of what i really want and thinking positive even in the darkest hour. but now, this hurdle is really not an easy one for me. i also do not deny the possibility that the devil is tempting me at this point of life since it is also the...

it's a little late on this post because there have been so many ongoings lately..but nevertheless, there is always a need to share my thoughts here... so my Youcat journey continues with our lesson on the Holy Spirit. we dwelt into the Holy Spirit and his works. yeah, you think you knew all about the Holy Spirit with Pentecost and the relationship of the Father and the Son, but something strikes me which i did not realize it before. we all knew that Mary was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, thus indirectly, it makes the Holy Spirit the spouse of Mary. funny? i honestly thought so, but somehow, it develop into something so beautiful that we have never thought of it before. so whenever you pray to the Holy Spirit or whenever the Holy Spirit is within us, bear in mind that Mary is there together too. beautiful.just plain beautiful how God manifested in all these. Amen.

i saw this on the facebook page the other day and it hit me straight away... is this the explaination for all that has happened and is to happen? i'm doubting am i a strong soldier in the first place to be given such battles.... and then again, as i reflect back on the hard and tough few weeks before, and then with the annoucement from the Holy Father of his resignation, i wonder how hard it would have been for the Pope the past few weeks for him to come to that decision to resign... it would be so much more anguish and anxiety which i might have just had a little of it in comparison to how it must have been for him... it would been such a difficult time for him to discern his real calling and to come to a decision knowing that it will have various consequences..i personally think that he is indeed a man of courage to come out with such a heavy decision but surely with God's guidance along the way. he is indeed a man of faith and place his whole trust in God when he decide...

Its been rather hard these few days...stress, feeling very misjudged and being sidelined all for the reason that i spoke my mind..was that so wrong? im just so tired to be silent anymore and allow all those wrong doings to be assumed as right....but apparently, people are still very stereotype about those who speak out.. why? i often wonder...is it because of the society and situation that we lived in today? are we seriously influence by everything around us that we are so afraid to just stand out and stand up for what you believe is correct for the fear of rejection?...well, seriously, with the consequences of it all, it is true...the society is really still not ready for change. to them, being outspoken meaning being a complainant, or being against them..it is seriously so sad to see such an assumption and reaction towards all these..... it is really a downfall for man and a wake up call for me to see what exactly it is the state of our society.. however, with all these negativity ...

Pain, hurt, dejected, sidelined, misjudged...its just so hard to put all these away when it keeps on attacking u over n over again with stronger punches everytime... oh dear God, I peray for strength to pick up my cross. I'm falling weaker and weaker everyday and I don't know how long I can take it.  So help me god.

yup..obvious indeed that i changed the layout of my blog again. reason? hmm...guess that i just need some added colour to my stressful, dull current situation.. anyhow, that's what got me into the mood of blogging again..and what i would like to talk about; Change! how many of us out there that is willing to admit that they would accept any changes that occur in their life just like that? surely no one does, same goes for me. it always takes  time and observations and experiences to finally embrace change. so guess that it is also not easy to propose change to people as well because of the insecurity that comes with it. but nonetheless, the most important part is that we try to bring change. trying is better than just talking. too much talk but no action is just the same as doing nothing at all... insecurity. that is always the biggest fear in many people out there. questions after questions will arise when faced with changes; what will happen? how will it affect me? why all t...

I just watched a movie recommended by a friend. Titled "love so divine". Go checked it on YouTube and watch it. Its a korean movie bt with english subtitle (remember to click CC at the bottom left for the subtitles). Its a pretty short movie bt it has gt me vry disturbed after watching it. Do try and catch. You can Share with me your thoughts after it...gudnite. catching my sleep nw with my disturbed mind.

my YouCat Journey continues....so here's week 2 (for me lah)..hehe...ok. so we learned all about The Church's teaching on Jesus and Jesus Christ-Kingdom of God. ok. the church's teaching on Jesus. well, guess every Catholic, or Christian would not deny the fact that Jesus is the Son of God, who is truly God and truly man. yeah yeah, alot people will think that they know what the church teaches about Jesus (well, i admit i do too) but then something strikes me..again...the question, why did God become man through Jesus? i seriously and honestly never thought of such, and always (admiting now) think that it is such, so just accept it. but one think i learnt that nothing is coincidental in the creation of God, everything is meant to be. So Jesus becoming man, taking on the human flesh to share our earthly lot, our sufferings and finally death. in simpler words, Jesus experienced what we experience in our everyday life now....but surely, one thing defers..SIN. Jesus is everyt...

I seriously did not know what the hell happen to me but it sure did a great impact in my life. It is very unusual for me (yup, some may be surprise) to speak up for my own views or rights. i normally will just act like the rest of the ppl; say yes in the front, but complain at the back... but then, after so many years of such practices, i find that it is really unhealthy. why suffer at the back in silence? why not put up a brave front and speak up? the latter is often avoided because of fear. but today, something in me made me chose the later. out of nowhere, my anger was prick at the right spot and it got me all feary in the morning. speaking up like a true man (lady in this context) and not afraid of whatever consequences that may cause me. i had enough of deaf ears and blind eyes that i have been tolerating and it has reached the limit. i did what i had to do. perhaps, the tigress in me finally found its way out! Roarrrrr

Having very limited time to myself for the past few weeks, i do miss my blog (awww....) all for the fact that many things have happen and many thoughts were running in my head. However so, since i have signed up for the YouCat programme (YouCat is short for Youth Catechism), i have decided that i will from now blogged about my journey throughout this 13weeks programme. i would be happy to see my progress (that's my ultimate hope) and changes within me throughout this whole programme and would like to pen them down...so here goes.... Week 1 well, i signed up for this programme firstly admitting that it was out of following majority but soon it because more of a curiosity and desire to further challenge my knowledge of my own faith. i do have confidence it what i know and what i believe of my faith and certainly the notion of "i already know my faith well enough, should i still go for it?"..yup, arrogant i may be..but then i challenged myself to take of that arrogance/ign...

what do you do when you are in the middle position? or as in Bahasa Malaysia, "atas pagar"?... i really dislike such a situation when I am put into, out of coincidental and certainly not my choice... guess there is always pros and cons to such situation i.e. either it could be beneficial or detrimental to you. lets look at the pros. being in the middle position, allows you to understand the whole situation so much better. you get to know the stories of both parties, each in their own way and interpretation of a certain incident/accident/event/conflict or whatever it may be. but then, there's the bad part. when you are in the middle position, that's where you are faced with the dillemma of which side to agree upon. Yes, you may be the best judge to the whole thing because you know both sides of the story so would know who is in the right and wrong sides. but to makes matters worse, what if both sides trusted you initially and in fact was the reason they willing to te...

Look left, look right, look front, look back......what to look for? I also don't know..hahaha....well, my point is just this --> there are signs and signals everywhere around us, but we just fail to see it or rather recognize it's significance. If you look back at life, ok maybe just your day, have you notice everything that is around you? there are always signs showing us what to do. okok..enough of confusion (I know it is rather confusing because I'm just trying to get my point across)...let me give you an example, a simple yet funny to some. Lets just say you wanted to go out for lunch...and there, the daunting question arise, "what to eat ah?"....and just to get going, you just wander off the streets looking for food..then tadaa, you found a parking spot, which is just in front of a restaurant/cafe, and then you go and eat, and there are surprisingly empty seats inside although it is crowded..then the food came, etc etc etc.....conclusion, things went ver...

It's the third day into the new year and can already sum it up as follows: New Year, N ew Challenge, New Responsibility, New Task(s), New Hope, and a re NEW ed Self :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!!! Its the new year. its a new blog outlook. its a new beginning....so to begin, we need to end something. I have thought of this particular post for quite a while and really wanted to blog about it just so as an "ending" (although i never believe in endings as life itself is an ongoing learning process no matter what happens) to 2012. so here it is to fulfill my first wish of 2013 --> tadaa... My Life Review of 2012 ! (haha..so cliche right?!) 2012. an eventful year is so many aspects, an interesting year in many ways, an exciting year in peculiar fashion. one word to sum it all, AWESOME! although every year has its own fair share of events and happenings, but somehow or rather, 2012 has been very unique and stood out above all (or maybe cause it is so fresh in my mind as compared to the rest of the years). so let me break down in few sections of my life: RELIGION . first and most important thing (to me). 2012 has shaped...